Radiance

Good afternoon!! :) HAPPY SUNDAY!

I just came back from a formation weekend with other men and women in religious formation in the area. The theme for this weekend was to be about the catholic social teaching, living in right relationship. I was pleasantly surprised to find that our presenter for the weekend, Sr. Joan Gallagher, CSJ, presented the catholic social teaching with "The New Story" of the Universe (or "New Cosmology," etc.) as the backdrop and really the purpose of our exploration and conversation. I hope, in later posts to share more and more of what the weekend unpacked. Today, I just wanted to take this Sun-day :) to share a poem that was shared towards the end of our time together.

I'm also including a link to a trailer for Journey of the Universe, the first video that I saw on the topic last September...though the trailer doesn't even "wet the appetite" well, if you will, to all that the whole film (all of like 20-25min) will trigger in curiousity...and perhaps even a desire for a change of heart and in consciousness of your existence as a dimension of the universe!

RADIANCE by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who I am to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

If we had a habit...

Habit...hmmm....
I've avoided talking about the habit until now. Today, however, a conversation began to get us to the age-old question - Should we wear a habit or not wear a habit?

The conversation started with the idea of how the sisters used to wake up at night to say the Angelus and then go back to bed. "It was beautiful....we did a lot of beautiful things before the 'changes'" (insert Vatican II here). She continued...."Things used to be different back then. We used to have a lot of sisters...but things have changed, hopefully they'll start to change again." As she looked up at me, almost as if to say, "You (the next generation) will bring them back, ...right?" She said many priests tell me the reason we don't have vocations (the MSCs) is because we do not wear a habit. In that moment, I knew that, given her understanding...naturally, it'd make sense to return...

Given my understanding, which fortunately is different than those priests, I know that having vocations has, really, very little to do with whether or not we wear a habit. If a vocation is dependent on whether or not we wear a habit, it's not a vocation (at least not to our community). I do fully support, reverence, and sometimes even think I'd like to wear a habit....but it's about much more than that. A vocation to religious life, is a response to God's love,.... habited or unhabited.

As a Church...
In the United States, when you consider all of the external factors, it's OBVIOUS, why there are less vocations today:
-Catholic families are much smaller than they used to be
-Less contact/relationships with religious due to less of a presence...namely in Catholic institutions (schools, hospitals, etc)
-Now, women do not need to be sisters to assume ministries within the Church
-The Second Vatican Council, in finally recognizing the "universal call to holiness," reminded people that everyone is called to holiness, not only sisters, priets, etc. ...so came a disinclination to enter religious life (as it wasn't necessary to be holy), and an encouragement for many, who chose rightly, to leave.

The question then, isn't - are religious wearing a habit or not. There are much greater questions: "Are the people in Religious Life today truly called to that life? Are they living it with integrity and passion? And are they offering it clearly and compellingly to people who are genuinely called to it today, even though for many reasons, these will be fewer than in the past?" If the answer is, "YES!" then the rest works it self out, whether or not there's a habit (I can see both sides of why sisters would and wouldn't wear a habit today...)

As a Charism...
Mother Cabrini, like most foundresses, had her sisters in the "dress of the day." And from what I understand, she only had the sisters begin to wear a habit in the first place because it was mandated, not because the community itself decided to. So within in the community, it's hard (though there are many reasons why an MSC would still wear a 'modified habit') to make a case for us ALL to go back to wearing a habit.

As a people of Faith...
As Christians our faith in Jesus, should be recognizable in the way that we live the gift of life. Ever heard, "They will know we are Christians by our love"? If you have a habit, you have to be willing to work to live up to what it means to be a sister, which is quite humbling. If you do not have a habit, you have the task of acting in such a way that those who do not "see" you are a sister will still know you are a sister! :)
(James 2:14-26)

*Some of this information was taken from a talk by Sandra Schneiders, IHM, "That Was Then...This is Now: The Past, Present and Future of Women Religious in the United States." Interestingly enough, wearing a habit wasn't mentioned at all. I hope to share more of the great facts and insights into the future of religious life, and propose questions for what that means for us - the present and future of women religious in the United States.

Surrender

On the topic of letting go...it was appropriate that I should visit my formation directress. After only only 3 months of working together, my directress underwent an emergency surgery at the beginning of December. After sleeping for about a month, she was finally discharged to our nursing home, where she's been able to regain some of the strength in her muscles and start walking again. Though physically she's been tired, mentally she's still on the ball, and how fortunate I was today to be a witness to her testimony of God's presence in her life. At 83 years old, and after a surgery quite unexpected, I was impressed by her articulation - "I just feel that God is so present in my life. I am so loved." The prayers are working, and she's felt so blessed to have received correspondence from friends, family, sisters, and even former students!

Two weeks ago she received visitors, and when she asked, "What does God what from me?" came the answer, "Surrender." It's stuck with her ever since, and I imagine that it will stick with me. I keep saying "let go, let go, let go..." but more powerful than that, is the call to surrender. Surrender to what? Everything, I suppose! Surrender to control, knowing,...In turn, we can offer trust, faith... It's not an easy exchange, but in my short 25 years, it's true...it works!

My favorite definition of the word surrender is to 'lay down.' My prayer then, as we continue in "ordinary time" and prepare for the season of Lent, to pray for the grace to surrender, or lay down, our lives to the will of the God (Mark 14:36).

Check out this song if you haven't heard it! :)
Lay It Down Matt Maher
Everything I am, everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet
Everything I am, everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet

I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet
I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet

Everything I am, everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet
Everything I am, everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet

I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet
I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down

Oh, Pearl of greatest price
No act of sacrifice
Can match the gift of life
I find within Your gaze

Oh, what a sweet exchange
I die to rise again
Lifted up from the grave
Into Your hands of grace

Oh, Pearl of greatest price
No act of sacrifice
Can match the gift of life
I find within Your gaze

Oh, what a sweet exchange
I die to rise again
Lifted up from the grave
Into Your hands of grace

I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet
I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet

I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet
I lay it down, lay it down
Lay it down at Your feet

Changing Seasons...

After what, I noticed a week ago, has been longer than a year since my last blog post (though I'd started many), I was drawn to this image that I made at Call to Action 2010. In many ways, it is a great segway into all that's been going on in the last year, a great way to bring you "online" to my present experience of continuing to discern religious life (specifically with the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus).

Changing Seasons:
Right before my last post, I'd applied to and been accepted by the Cabrini Sisters (MSCs) to being initial formation. Since then I:
-continued to live in Columbus Community
-changed ministries (from CMC) to teaching ESL to adult immigrants and visiting our seniors at Dobbs Ferry
-began "vocational growth sessions" weekly in Philadelphia, PA
-made my first 8-day silent, directed retreat!

In June, I wrote a letter formally requesting acceptance as a Candidate/Postulant/Pre-novice. In the meantime I:
-traveled to FL to spend a week with the girls (my mom and sisters) and to Milwaukee to spend more time with my family and share with them what I'm doing in NY
-there I was able to share more of my discernment to religious life and this community and I even got to share some more of the Charism and celebrate Mother's birthday with my family!
-returning to New York, I went with 5 other people from our province to join other Cabrini youth from around the world for la JMJ '11 (World Youth Day) in Madrid, Spain!

I was accepted as a Candidate with the MSCs, and on September 9, 2011, I had my official reception ceremony! In this new phase, I:
-am living in a new community - Regina Pacis
-continued my ministry teaching English, and visiting our sisters at Dobbs
-began inter-congregational formation programs in New York (1 weekend/month) and Philadelphia (1 day/week)
-have a formation directress!! :)
-am discerning more deeply my call to this Charism and consecrated life

This new semester of Spring 2012, is basically the same (accept for going to Dobbs every week).

Explore:
I've been, in the last year, trying to explore the places and possibilities of God in my life. It's been challenging to let go of an attachment to expecting results, or things to unfold a particular way. When holding fast to personal constructs, there's no room for the Spirit to move...and if it's not movnig, I'm not moving! So you can see why that would be problematic! Letting go isn't easy...in fact, it's one of the most challenging things I've needed to encounter is the realm of "not knowing." For each person, the challenge to let go harbors it self in a different fear, anxiety, or even anger, but for me it's in not being afraid to trust in the unknown...and that takes WORK!

Get to Work:
ha, talking about getting to work. Since I've come to Cabrini (Mission Corps), I've been finding myself drawn, not to labor, but work on self. I've been trying, through prayer, spiritual direction, personal work, and reflection on my relationships, to dig around and find ways that I can grow. It takes time, intentionality, and especially humility to do that! When I press on...it's easier to trust...trust myself with Jesus and know that He's got everything under control. I don't need to save myself or anyone else...he's ALREADY done that - a reason to give constant praise and thanksgiving!

MOVE:
As I mentioned, my fear of the unknown makes it hard to let go and trust, but it is in fear that I can become paralyzed to neither move to good or to bad. ...that's bad! My constant prayer is one for the graces of WISDOM and COURAGE. Wisdom to have a sense of where God wills me, and courage to take initiative to get there!

Working Spirit:
Would anything be possible without the Holy Spirit, our most precious Advocate?! I think that the Holy Spirit is most often the one responsible for getting the "behind the scenes" work done. Sometimes she moves quickly, and we can sense immediate change....and other times...she's slowly and patiently working in our lives and with us. That's a tough job! That's why she's WORKING SPIRIT!!

Loving:
Finally. There's not a whole lot to be said, other than that loving is my primary motive. In my time alone with Jesus, in community with whom I live and interact with outside of my home and in my ministry, my #1 goal is to not ever be afraid to love freely and without limitations! I would like to share a Psalm with you that has very recently had a very meaningful impact on my life and personal perspective of it. With it I will leave you until, hopefully, in the near future I'll have more to share with you!

Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness
Nan C. Merrill

Psalm 3
O Beloved, how numerous are my fears!
They rise up within me whispering
there is no help for you.

Yet You, O Beloved, radiate Love
around me, my glory;
gratitude becomes my song,
When I cry out to You,
You answer within my heart.

I lie down to sleep; if I should
awaken, my Beloved is there
holding me with strength
and tenderness.
I feel secure.
Now I shall forgive all illusions
that my ego tries to build.
For my courage is in You, O Love,
You who are the Lover hidden
in every heart.

Rise up, Love! Set me free!
For through your guidance,
my fears will fade into love.
Free from fear, I will know
the Oneness of Being that
encompasses Everything!
I shall be free to serve Love
with a glad and open heart.

The Holy Innocents

When I was a child, one of my 'church books' (church book - a book I was allowed to look at during Mass) that I was always most drawn to was this story, from the Gospel today. There was something in this story, that as a small child, drew my heart to the tragedy of all those children. I just remember the pictures of the soldiers walking through the arches with swords in hand and mothers everywhere fallen to the ground weeping over the bodies of their lifeless children. I had, somehow, forgotten that book, until today.

As I was reminded of the story today, it led me to ponder first, "What was so appealing to be about that book?" I wonder if I looked at it in curiosity, confusion, or compassion...what was it? Could it be my heart hurting for those who die so young, so innocent, so holy? My mother had a still born child. At that early of an age, could I have been sympathizing with the other woman who lost their babies? I'm still reflecting about that!

I went to celebrate Mass with our senior sisters, and Fr. Michael elaborated on this tragedy that caught my attention from a very early age. We were asked, have you ever known someone who, though many were affected (or in some cases even died), escaped tragedy, and was left asking the questions, "Why me? Why did I survive?" It was proposed that Jesus might have, in His humanity, wondered the same thing. Why me?

That "Why me?" is a question that we must all find ourselves asking at some point in our lives. Two minutes earlier and we would have been in a car accident. Just a few minutes earlier on the train and that could have been us...we've all experienced this, so, why us? Good question. The answer is what we do. The answer is how we respond with action to the call of God in our lives everyday, because if we're still here, there is a "why." There is a reason. And the world offers us too many examples of "holy innocents' today, too many unjust 'deaths.' It should be our goal...our reponsibility...our purpose to be the 'reason' why we're still here (or at least try)! It's not an easy thing to attain, but one that Christ also sought, himself! Let us get to work!