Radiance

Good afternoon!! :) HAPPY SUNDAY!

I just came back from a formation weekend with other men and women in religious formation in the area. The theme for this weekend was to be about the catholic social teaching, living in right relationship. I was pleasantly surprised to find that our presenter for the weekend, Sr. Joan Gallagher, CSJ, presented the catholic social teaching with "The New Story" of the Universe (or "New Cosmology," etc.) as the backdrop and really the purpose of our exploration and conversation. I hope, in later posts to share more and more of what the weekend unpacked. Today, I just wanted to take this Sun-day :) to share a poem that was shared towards the end of our time together.

I'm also including a link to a trailer for Journey of the Universe, the first video that I saw on the topic last September...though the trailer doesn't even "wet the appetite" well, if you will, to all that the whole film (all of like 20-25min) will trigger in curiousity...and perhaps even a desire for a change of heart and in consciousness of your existence as a dimension of the universe!

RADIANCE by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who I am to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

If we had a habit...

Habit...hmmm....
I've avoided talking about the habit until now. Today, however, a conversation began to get us to the age-old question - Should we wear a habit or not wear a habit?

The conversation started with the idea of how the sisters used to wake up at night to say the Angelus and then go back to bed. "It was beautiful....we did a lot of beautiful things before the 'changes'" (insert Vatican II here). She continued...."Things used to be different back then. We used to have a lot of sisters...but things have changed, hopefully they'll start to change again." As she looked up at me, almost as if to say, "You (the next generation) will bring them back, ...right?" She said many priests tell me the reason we don't have vocations (the MSCs) is because we do not wear a habit. In that moment, I knew that, given her understanding...naturally, it'd make sense to return...

Given my understanding, which fortunately is different than those priests, I know that having vocations has, really, very little to do with whether or not we wear a habit. If a vocation is dependent on whether or not we wear a habit, it's not a vocation (at least not to our community). I do fully support, reverence, and sometimes even think I'd like to wear a habit....but it's about much more than that. A vocation to religious life, is a response to God's love,.... habited or unhabited.

As a Church...
In the United States, when you consider all of the external factors, it's OBVIOUS, why there are less vocations today:
-Catholic families are much smaller than they used to be
-Less contact/relationships with religious due to less of a presence...namely in Catholic institutions (schools, hospitals, etc)
-Now, women do not need to be sisters to assume ministries within the Church
-The Second Vatican Council, in finally recognizing the "universal call to holiness," reminded people that everyone is called to holiness, not only sisters, priets, etc. ...so came a disinclination to enter religious life (as it wasn't necessary to be holy), and an encouragement for many, who chose rightly, to leave.

The question then, isn't - are religious wearing a habit or not. There are much greater questions: "Are the people in Religious Life today truly called to that life? Are they living it with integrity and passion? And are they offering it clearly and compellingly to people who are genuinely called to it today, even though for many reasons, these will be fewer than in the past?" If the answer is, "YES!" then the rest works it self out, whether or not there's a habit (I can see both sides of why sisters would and wouldn't wear a habit today...)

As a Charism...
Mother Cabrini, like most foundresses, had her sisters in the "dress of the day." And from what I understand, she only had the sisters begin to wear a habit in the first place because it was mandated, not because the community itself decided to. So within in the community, it's hard (though there are many reasons why an MSC would still wear a 'modified habit') to make a case for us ALL to go back to wearing a habit.

As a people of Faith...
As Christians our faith in Jesus, should be recognizable in the way that we live the gift of life. Ever heard, "They will know we are Christians by our love"? If you have a habit, you have to be willing to work to live up to what it means to be a sister, which is quite humbling. If you do not have a habit, you have the task of acting in such a way that those who do not "see" you are a sister will still know you are a sister! :)
(James 2:14-26)

*Some of this information was taken from a talk by Sandra Schneiders, IHM, "That Was Then...This is Now: The Past, Present and Future of Women Religious in the United States." Interestingly enough, wearing a habit wasn't mentioned at all. I hope to share more of the great facts and insights into the future of religious life, and propose questions for what that means for us - the present and future of women religious in the United States.

Surrender

On the topic of letting go...it was appropriate that I should visit my formation directress. After only only 3 months of working together, my directress underwent an emergency surgery at the beginning of December. After sleeping for about a month, she was finally discharged to our nursing home, where she's been able to regain some of the strength in her muscles and start walking again. Though physically she's been tired, mentally she's still on the ball, and how fortunate I was today to be a witness to her testimony of God's presence in her life. At 83 years old, and after a surgery quite unexpected, I was impressed by her articulation - "I just feel that God is so present in my life. I am so loved." The prayers are working, and she's felt so blessed to have received correspondence from friends, family, sisters, and even former students!

Two weeks ago she received visitors, and when she asked, "What does God what from me?" came the answer, "Surrender." It's stuck with her ever since, and I imagine that it will stick with me. I keep saying "let go, let go, let go..." but more powerful than that, is the call to surrender. Surrender to what? Everything, I suppose! Surrender to control, knowing,...In turn, we can offer trust, faith... It's not an easy exchange, but in my short 25 years, it's true...it works!

My favorite definition of the word surrender is to 'lay down.' My prayer then, as we continue in "ordinary time" and prepare for the season of Lent, to pray for the grace to surrender, or lay down, our lives to the will of the God (Mark 14:36).

Check out this song if you haven't heard it! :)
Lay It Down Matt Maher
Everything I am, everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet
Everything I am, everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet

I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet
I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet

Everything I am, everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet
Everything I am, everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet

I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet
I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down

Oh, Pearl of greatest price
No act of sacrifice
Can match the gift of life
I find within Your gaze

Oh, what a sweet exchange
I die to rise again
Lifted up from the grave
Into Your hands of grace

Oh, Pearl of greatest price
No act of sacrifice
Can match the gift of life
I find within Your gaze

Oh, what a sweet exchange
I die to rise again
Lifted up from the grave
Into Your hands of grace

I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet
I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet

I lay it down, I lay it down
I lay it down at Your feet
I lay it down, lay it down
Lay it down at Your feet

Changing Seasons...

After what, I noticed a week ago, has been longer than a year since my last blog post (though I'd started many), I was drawn to this image that I made at Call to Action 2010. In many ways, it is a great segway into all that's been going on in the last year, a great way to bring you "online" to my present experience of continuing to discern religious life (specifically with the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus).

Changing Seasons:
Right before my last post, I'd applied to and been accepted by the Cabrini Sisters (MSCs) to being initial formation. Since then I:
-continued to live in Columbus Community
-changed ministries (from CMC) to teaching ESL to adult immigrants and visiting our seniors at Dobbs Ferry
-began "vocational growth sessions" weekly in Philadelphia, PA
-made my first 8-day silent, directed retreat!

In June, I wrote a letter formally requesting acceptance as a Candidate/Postulant/Pre-novice. In the meantime I:
-traveled to FL to spend a week with the girls (my mom and sisters) and to Milwaukee to spend more time with my family and share with them what I'm doing in NY
-there I was able to share more of my discernment to religious life and this community and I even got to share some more of the Charism and celebrate Mother's birthday with my family!
-returning to New York, I went with 5 other people from our province to join other Cabrini youth from around the world for la JMJ '11 (World Youth Day) in Madrid, Spain!

I was accepted as a Candidate with the MSCs, and on September 9, 2011, I had my official reception ceremony! In this new phase, I:
-am living in a new community - Regina Pacis
-continued my ministry teaching English, and visiting our sisters at Dobbs
-began inter-congregational formation programs in New York (1 weekend/month) and Philadelphia (1 day/week)
-have a formation directress!! :)
-am discerning more deeply my call to this Charism and consecrated life

This new semester of Spring 2012, is basically the same (accept for going to Dobbs every week).

Explore:
I've been, in the last year, trying to explore the places and possibilities of God in my life. It's been challenging to let go of an attachment to expecting results, or things to unfold a particular way. When holding fast to personal constructs, there's no room for the Spirit to move...and if it's not movnig, I'm not moving! So you can see why that would be problematic! Letting go isn't easy...in fact, it's one of the most challenging things I've needed to encounter is the realm of "not knowing." For each person, the challenge to let go harbors it self in a different fear, anxiety, or even anger, but for me it's in not being afraid to trust in the unknown...and that takes WORK!

Get to Work:
ha, talking about getting to work. Since I've come to Cabrini (Mission Corps), I've been finding myself drawn, not to labor, but work on self. I've been trying, through prayer, spiritual direction, personal work, and reflection on my relationships, to dig around and find ways that I can grow. It takes time, intentionality, and especially humility to do that! When I press on...it's easier to trust...trust myself with Jesus and know that He's got everything under control. I don't need to save myself or anyone else...he's ALREADY done that - a reason to give constant praise and thanksgiving!

MOVE:
As I mentioned, my fear of the unknown makes it hard to let go and trust, but it is in fear that I can become paralyzed to neither move to good or to bad. ...that's bad! My constant prayer is one for the graces of WISDOM and COURAGE. Wisdom to have a sense of where God wills me, and courage to take initiative to get there!

Working Spirit:
Would anything be possible without the Holy Spirit, our most precious Advocate?! I think that the Holy Spirit is most often the one responsible for getting the "behind the scenes" work done. Sometimes she moves quickly, and we can sense immediate change....and other times...she's slowly and patiently working in our lives and with us. That's a tough job! That's why she's WORKING SPIRIT!!

Loving:
Finally. There's not a whole lot to be said, other than that loving is my primary motive. In my time alone with Jesus, in community with whom I live and interact with outside of my home and in my ministry, my #1 goal is to not ever be afraid to love freely and without limitations! I would like to share a Psalm with you that has very recently had a very meaningful impact on my life and personal perspective of it. With it I will leave you until, hopefully, in the near future I'll have more to share with you!

Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness
Nan C. Merrill

Psalm 3
O Beloved, how numerous are my fears!
They rise up within me whispering
there is no help for you.

Yet You, O Beloved, radiate Love
around me, my glory;
gratitude becomes my song,
When I cry out to You,
You answer within my heart.

I lie down to sleep; if I should
awaken, my Beloved is there
holding me with strength
and tenderness.
I feel secure.
Now I shall forgive all illusions
that my ego tries to build.
For my courage is in You, O Love,
You who are the Lover hidden
in every heart.

Rise up, Love! Set me free!
For through your guidance,
my fears will fade into love.
Free from fear, I will know
the Oneness of Being that
encompasses Everything!
I shall be free to serve Love
with a glad and open heart.

The Holy Innocents

When I was a child, one of my 'church books' (church book - a book I was allowed to look at during Mass) that I was always most drawn to was this story, from the Gospel today. There was something in this story, that as a small child, drew my heart to the tragedy of all those children. I just remember the pictures of the soldiers walking through the arches with swords in hand and mothers everywhere fallen to the ground weeping over the bodies of their lifeless children. I had, somehow, forgotten that book, until today.

As I was reminded of the story today, it led me to ponder first, "What was so appealing to be about that book?" I wonder if I looked at it in curiosity, confusion, or compassion...what was it? Could it be my heart hurting for those who die so young, so innocent, so holy? My mother had a still born child. At that early of an age, could I have been sympathizing with the other woman who lost their babies? I'm still reflecting about that!

I went to celebrate Mass with our senior sisters, and Fr. Michael elaborated on this tragedy that caught my attention from a very early age. We were asked, have you ever known someone who, though many were affected (or in some cases even died), escaped tragedy, and was left asking the questions, "Why me? Why did I survive?" It was proposed that Jesus might have, in His humanity, wondered the same thing. Why me?

That "Why me?" is a question that we must all find ourselves asking at some point in our lives. Two minutes earlier and we would have been in a car accident. Just a few minutes earlier on the train and that could have been us...we've all experienced this, so, why us? Good question. The answer is what we do. The answer is how we respond with action to the call of God in our lives everyday, because if we're still here, there is a "why." There is a reason. And the world offers us too many examples of "holy innocents' today, too many unjust 'deaths.' It should be our goal...our reponsibility...our purpose to be the 'reason' why we're still here (or at least try)! It's not an easy thing to attain, but one that Christ also sought, himself! Let us get to work!

Family

Today, in the Church, we celebrated the feast of the Holy Family, a feast that is only 89-years old! It was begun because of the disintegration of the family. It was a celebration that originated in Canada! Fr. Stephen today posed the question, basically asking, "Has it helped?" Has it mattered for our 'sense of family,' to have a feast that commemorates the very family that welcomed our Lord here on earth. His answer was honest...maybe not... BUT more, he stressed the importance of families, both of birth and of desire. He recognized the reality of disfunction within both, but highlighted the fact that at times, they are all we have.

The homily today reinforced my appreciation and love for families, both of birth and desire, despite difficulty and disfunction!

Family of Birth



Families of Desire



We are reminded a lot about family in the readings and the Gospel today!

December 22, a day to remember!!!

“My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. For he has looked upon his lowly servant..." This describes me right now!

"When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the infant leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the Holy Spirit..." This describes my mom right now!! :) Her exact words were "I feel like Elizabeth when Mary came to greet her. Mary had such good news and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. My heart leapt with joy at your news. And my spirit is full to the point of tears. Bless you!" Thanks, Mom!

Today I went to meet with our Provincial about my future! She said that she spoke with the Superior General of our congregation and that it is official that I am accepted in the formation program of the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus! My heart is SO JOYFUL right now!!!! The process will be challenging and lasts a long time, but just the idea of beginning makes me rejoice!



When I was talking to the Provincial, I was reminded of all of the people that have contributed greatly to my life, starting with Jesus, my parents, my family (biological and parish!), my friends, and the Missionary Sisters themselves! This time for me has been one of uncertainty, but of great faith in the will of God. I feel affirmed today that I'm listening. May my life be a continuous effort to be aware of Jesus in everything that I do! I truly feel that this is how God has been calling me to respond in my relationship with him, and I am so grateful for the support that has been offered by all! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

I need to go call my dad and my sisters, but I wanted you to know because I don't want to miss sharing it!! I want to shout from the rooftops!!! :)



Today we celebrate Mother Cabrini's entrance into heaven. This is typically the celebrated feast day of a saint, but hers is in November. It is very special for me to officially begin this part of my journey on the day that she finally got to see Jesus, whose Sacred Heart was the center of her life! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace and Joy to you as we prepare to welcome Jesus, again, in a couple days!

Angelic Voices

(Jer 23:5-8; Mt 1:18-25)The Gospels reveal precious little about the man who became Mary's husband, and how he overcame the cultural and religious traditions that stood between them. What we do know is that Joseph had the courage to listen to an angel in a dream so vivid that it could not be ignored. In what ways have you listened to angelic voices?

YESSSS!!! Go, Joseph!!!

In the Heights: Paciencia y Fe

On Friday we went to see "In the Heights" on Broadway! The productions was a humbling reminder of how important these two things are - PATIENCE and FAITH.

PATIENCE
It hard for me to remember to wait. I'd imagine that you might struggle, too, so we're in this together! It's important to be active in our lives, but so often, there's an element that we cannot control about what happens in our life: timing! Sr. Grace always says that, "Everything happens on God's time and God is ALWAYS on time." That's hard to remember when we're working and not seeing results. It's especially hard for me in times of frustration and uncertainty. We're all challenged to grow and move forward. It's easy to think that should have happened...yesterday. Tonight was the reminder that it's not about my schedule, or even yours. It's about His! How can we wait?...with faith!

FAITH
Faith is an essential element in having the patience to wait for God's timing....it's a willingness to believe and really trust that God will be and do all that we need as it fits into the bigger picture. That's probably even harder than waiting! But together they give us the strength to continue. We receive the strength to be active and move forward based on the promptings of our heart. We receive the courage to be, knowing nothing more than that we feel what we are doing is of God.

My prayer is, then, as we enter into the Advent season, that we be ever mindful of the need for patience and faith in our lives, as we await the birth of Jesus, and as we continue to try answer God's call in our lives as Mary and Joseph did!

JOY!!!

"I rejoice and share my joy with all of you.
In the same way you also should rejoice and share your joy with me."



Yes!! In Paul's letter to the Philippians, read in the Church today, we hear the reminder to SHARE JOY!!! I LOVE THAT! :) Don't you?

Last night I met with the Medical Missionaries of Mary. In their communtiy, there was such a sense of joy! I had dinner with 5 of their sisters, and when their postulant came home, again, LOTS OF JOY! :) She had missed dinner because of class, so they gave me the opportunity to talk to her on my own. We were talking about the components of peace and joy in discernment. She definitely, after discerning between a draw to two communities, that this is the one, with which she felt both joy and peace. Peace is good, but without joy, we begin to lose part of who we are!

So, joy....do I still have it? I sure hope so. Please tell me if you don't see it! When I came to Cabrini last year, I learned that joy and peace were key to my own discernment. When I applied to come here, despite many unknowns, I felt, through the Holy Spirit abounding joy and peace. Does that mean that the year was ALL joyful and ALWAYS peaceful? No, but in difficult times I had to go back to the beginning, to be mindful of why and how I came here. I need to remember how enthused I was to be part of the Cabrini Mission with Crys, Mish and the sisters. I had to go back to how alive I felt when I first read Mother Cabrini's story. That, with prayer and support of my community helped me through my first mission year.

Now, I've entered a new time of discernment, and though there are challenges, I need to remember what it was that made me think that I was doing the right thing. Knowing that I have been called to this mission in some capacity; that through prayer, I really felt that this is where I am supposed to be. That I became so excited at the idea of, and ready to begin, the process of a growing commitment that I asked for an application. Though I was excited, my family and friends, the sisters...that didn't mean that along the way it would always be joyful and peaceful, but I can go back to how much I've felt a constant balance of affirmation and challenge along the way. Talking to other communities has really helped to facilitate that, especially in the last month. At Maryknoll, first it was a little unsettling...the thought of, "Is this really for me?" Taking it to prayer, to community, I've thought, "I think so." :) Heading to second community, I was nervous. Am I going to leave thinking the same thing? No!

After my conversation with MMM's postulant, I was very grateful. She, like a spiritual director, asked me a lot of questions that I needed to process and answer out loud to know if I am in the right space. And I think that I am. Talking about my year last year, with the 19th Annotation of the Exercises, the sisters, and missioners, I was reminded of how much JOY was exuded last year. Sometimes when I'm stressed or confused, that goes away, but I hope that the majority of the time I share my joy. I hope!

Joy is so beautiful and so powerful. Joy, along with Love and Peace, is among the fruits of the Holy Spirit!! I hope, in the the time to come...as I move forward, to be mindful of those fruits. It's a pretty good diet to be on, don't you think?!

Happy Wednesday!

Galations 5:18-25
Brothers and sisters:
If you are guided by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
Now the works of the flesh are obvious:
immorality, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry,
sorcery, hatreds, rivalry, jealousy,
outbursts of fury, acts of selfishness,
dissensions, factions, occasions of envy,
drinking bouts, orgies, and the like.
I warn you, as I warned you before,
that those who do such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, generosity,
faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.
Against such there is no law.
Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their flesh
with its passions and desires.
If we live in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit.

Amen? AMEN!

Gang's All Here!

Just thinking about how last year our community was so busy, constantly passing one another! This week, with Angie, Dianne, Isalia and James gone, that left the missioners, plus Toni and Archangel. Last year, after our busy week, Crys, Mish and I were all over the place during the weekends. We found time in pairs with one another, but weekends were not exactly downtime to be together.

This weekend was pretty awesome! It was busy, but fun-filled with time for relaxation. The incredible part - we were all HOME! On Friday night, we watched a movie together that was given to me to watch by a Mercy Sister. I was so amazed by the fact that all four of the missioners, including Toni (Archangel can't help it, waking up at 4am!), were together. That's pretty cool.

Saturday, the same thing, the four of us went to the HS because Jenny and Grace had the Mission Leaders Scavenger Hunt in Times Square. It was so fun and SO exhausting! After the scavenger hunt, we dispersed - Jenny to the HS with some girls, Laura to home, Grace to dinner with friends, and I to dinner with some of the seniors. BUT in the end, we were all back in the community room by like 9pm to hang out and relax. Sunday, the SAME thing! Everyone had their daytime plans, but in the end, everyone supported Laura and I in our desire...need to watch the Packers vs. Vikings! The missioners, Toni, AND EVEN ARCHANGEL (stopped by to see what kind of snacks we set out :).

Thank you! I have wonderfully full weekend, but with the community that I've come to call home! And tomorrow the missioners and I are going to take some time to pray and eat together to reverence our CMC community! YAY!

THANK YOU!! :)

Turn that 5 upside-down!

The Enneagram Made Easy
Ha. That's the name of a book that we have floating around, but as AMAZING as the Enneagram is, it certainly isn't easy!! In the journey of getting to know yourself, as well as appreciate others, it gives you a lot of work to do, I think!

Last year I totally consumed myself with being a 5 - the Observer. The fives are the quiet ones, avoid small-talk and dread large social functions, always thinking, always analytic, the last to contribute to a conversation, but always having a desire to contribute. 5s tend to be introverted and almost always prefer either to be alone, one on one, or in a small, intimate group. Of the Gut, Heart, and Head centers, the 5 is a 'head personality.' I would have liked to say that my personality is more 'heart,' but when I am honest with myself, I am definitely a 5.

That being said, after a year of constantly saying, "I'm a 5" or just raising my hand with five fingers, we had the Enneagram workshop as part of our community retreat. As we went through the numbers, I doubted, "Am I really a 5?" I didn't check off as much on the 5 list as I had the first time, and on the contrary, I had a lot more check marks on numbers that I didn't think I was or could EVER be...so what's the verdict?

I am a five...at my very essence. BUT I realized that I checked off more on the 8 list (where I go in my positive compulsion, when I am healthy) and less on the list of a 7 (where I move to in my negative compulsion). This is good. :) So I feel like I might be a little healthier and stronger, due mostly impart to the experience and openness of last year, as well as my incredible community/support system. Thank you :)

So why did I check off more in the other categories, too? I'd like to think that as we grow and learn...we just become a little more 'rounded.' I feel like a more 'multi-faceted' person after a year of mission. I am certainly not perfect, but I learned a lot about how God is calling me and how to reverence the way that he calls others!

Discussion with Crys
We skyped in Crystal to our CMC Community time on Saturday, and as we took time to share I learned a bit more about all of my community members. I also got feedback from the community about what I shared. And Crystal, who totally needed to mentor me into my gut side empowered me with, "Yeah, turn that 5 upside down!"

The moral of the story is that I'm trying. I'm trying to learn more about myself, and what God is calling me to. When I put those two things together, I started to ask myself, "Are you afraid?" The answer is a big fat YES! The good news is that I'm less afraid then I was before, and realizing that is the emotion that I respond to the most, I can name my fears and work to be less timid...which is funny if you look at the NO FEAR post from earlier! I'm trying...I guess that's all I can do right now - keep trying and praying for the graces that will allow me to witness to God's work among us!!

NO FEAR

NO FEAR

2 Tim 1:7
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."

I had the awesome blessing of being able to visit my uncle on Saturday afternoon. I hadn't seen him since the month before I came to Cabrini, August 2009. In January of this year, he was diagnosed with cancer. Since then, he's been making trips back and forth with my aunt to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, Philly location. Last year when I was in and out of Philly, I had always been in town for business, and it just kept not working out...at least on my end, to see him. BUT....I spent last week in Philadelphia staying at the college to do some testing and to be with Gina at the office.

I was talking to my mom and we agreed that it was too important for me to see him (her brother), so instead of spending time with a couple of the sisters (though I hope they understand) I stayed with on Friday night, on Satruday I went to the cancer center. This time, about two and a half months ago, my uncle came with my aunt and my cousin, so I was able to see all three of them!

My aunt came in a car from the center to pick me up, which was so wonderful because I've never had a car while in Philly...and it was a limo! I know...rough life, huh? The sisters took me out and met her, which for me was VERY special. My sisters have both come to NY, but up until now, nobody else has had the chance to meet them! "You're meeting them before my mom!" I shared. Either way, the next stop was my uncle! :) I had just been in a conversation the night before about godparents, and I was particularly excited to have the chance to visit with my godfather!

Along the way, I had the opportunity to share with my aunt, who thankfully is close to my mother, about my summer away and about my recent discernment of religious life. I hope that she appreciated that conversation as much as I did, because I think that's one of the first times that I've been able to have such an adult conversation and actually have time to talk to her! A lot of our gatherings are around holiday times, and as I usually spend more time with my cousins, it was really beautiful, I think, to share a little bit of where I am with her! :)

Arriving to the center I dropped off my bags in the luggage room, and headed up to see him! Awwww, I love that! He reminds me so much of my mom...I'm just like, "Stop!" Their humor is EXACTLY the same, it kind of cool...and, of course, funny :) I got to talk to them more about the current status of my time and experience with the sisters, again, something beautiful to share with them. After a bit, we went down for lunch and all sat outside, and when I paid close attention to my uncles shirt I read the verse at the beginning of this entry!

NO FEAR. One of the patients of the clinic had shirts made like that, I believe for himself and his wife? Either way, he had the shirt on, and everyone really liked it, so now they print them, and when he comes for treatment, it's a way from them to share Scripture and God with the patients! That's AWESOME!

Even more AWESOME, is that the sisters use that same verse from a different version of the Bible, reading:
2 Tim 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but rather of power and love and self-control." Sr. Patricia just used it in her talk in the college on Thursday!! :) YES!! I love when we have things in common!!

So...no fear. I found out when I was visiting my uncle, who has been living out the line from Scripture, that my uncle is now CANCER FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks be to God for that!!!!!!! I am just so grateful that he's gotten the treatment and the quality care that he has needed along the way! He still has a little longer to be at the center, but I HOPE that he's not there the next time that I go to Philadelphia!

I LOVED seeing him, and it was so great to visit with them! Me from Wisonsin, and them from Virginia, our family gatherings have always been too few and far between! I pray that my uncle is still doing well, and in thanksgiving both for a great visit and the success of his treatment!!

A week on Long Island!

I was so lucky to have the opportunity to be a part of the Extended Council Meeting that our Province hosted here in NY. It was really special to be in the presence of members of the Cabrinian family from ALL over the world....different languages, different cultures, but the same mission!

I heard the quote via James Martin, that a "Sad nun is a bad nun..."
If that's true, we're in GOOD SHAPE! After a tiring and exhaustive week at the Extended Council meeting, our sisters rewarded themselves with fun! :) They deserved to reward themselves, and definitely had a good time along the way, laughing and singing together in the halls. BEAUTIFUL! :)



Coming from around the world: Spain, Italy, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Brazil, Agrentina. What a blessing to see a team of sisters gather to plan cross-borders and cross-cultures, to talk about the one thing that they all have in common - Passion, zeal, and commitment to the Cabrinian Mission, to be bearer's of the love of Christ in the World. I was incredibly inspired to see sisters that have worked hard all of their lives come together for prophetic planning for the good of their family, the Institute of the MSCs. There are barely even words to describe the admiration I have for these strong, powerful, dedicated and faith-filled women on a mission!



I am grateful, too, for all that they offer for the future of the Institute and carrying out Mother Cabrini's mission to bear Christ's love to the ends of the earth!

Take nothing for the journey...

Last week Wednesday, the Gospel reading, like the one for today, talks about going out and carrying nothing! I remember being younger, and in young adult discussion groups there being talk of what Jesus really means...in readings like today, he tells us to go and take nothing. In other readings, to sell all you have and take nothing...

"Of course, Jesus doesn't really mean to sell all you have and take nothing" they would say...
"What if He does?" I always thought, "...how beautiful! "

Last Wednesday, in the homily, Fr. Tom said that as long as that Gospel passage were true, there would be religious life. As long as anyone finds it attractive to leave behind all possessions and follow Him, then we don't need to worry about religious life fading away. I like that story.

Vince Lombardi vs. Mother Cabrini

I'm pretty sure it would be a close match! I mean, come on, their quotes are even comparable! :)



Last night, Laura and I had the pleasure of going with Sr. Mary Lou to see "Lombardi," the broadway play for event sponsored by the Cabrini Mission Foundation. It was such a blast, and a special treat for Laura and I, both Wisconsin natives! Thank you CMF!!!!

There is an appointed time for everything...

Need I say more?

Again, God just keeps ...being...Himself! :) Before I came to Cabrini I had the experience of meeting a wonderful Messianic Jew from Nicaragua. We met Salsa dancing, and though the relationship got...complicated, I never stopped appreciating it!



Today's reading included the explanation of how there is a time for everything. I will also include this reading, as it's so important to remember just how balanced life is! In all of it's complicated simplicity that reading is SO TRUE! When I was getting to know Bernardo, I almost resisted it! He ALWAYS brought it up! What do you mean a time for love and a time for war? A time to love AND a time to hate? Yes.

I am finding now....more and more, just how important it is to have an awareness of this truth. It really brings a peace in accepting that life calls us to different responses at different times. We cannot keep EVERYTHING, that is why we need to cast away. That can pertain to junk (haha in my house everyone had a dresser drawer that was their "junk drawer"...looking back, it's kind of ironic that we didn't label other drawers that too!), it can pertain to ideal and expecatations, ....sometimes even relationships. Because it is our job to come up with the best response possible as life comes head on, we are called to do that prayerfully and with and openness to learning and wisdom. It is my prayer for all of us, including myself, that we be mindful of that!

Yay God for the inspiration of such a useful way to understand balance and trust! AND I mean...look there's even a time to DANCE!!! I think that I'm going to have a little less resistance to this part of Scripture!!! ;) Enjoy!

Eccl 3:1-11
There is an appointed time for everything,
and a time for every thing under the heavens.
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;
a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.

Come: At table with Cabrini!

On Tuesday night, we at Columbus shared in a truly Cabrinian time at table and prayer. WIth sisters in the city from all over the world, we were 12 together at table. Seven of us from Columbus, Yolanda from Nicaragua, and Lúcia, Noberta, Gloria and Mary Angela from Brasil. The prayer I chose for the evening was from Sacred Space and it truly was a 'sacred space'!

Diane had the great idea of using the Sacred Space in Portuguese so that the Brasilians would be able to read along too! It was so beautiful to have the exchange of both languages, and thanks to Yolanda we had all that we needed translated!

After the beautiful reading from Ephesians, which I'll include so you get the idea, too, I passed around a bowl. In the bowl were some of the most powerful words that were in that part of Scripture (call, unity, faith, hope, love, Spirit, gift, etc.). The papers had the word in English and Portuguese, and the direction was simply to take the word and sit with it. Maybe it was the word that we each needed to hear, maybe there was something else from Sacred Space that stood out....it was quiet.

When the sharing began, Mary Angela, a member of the laity from Brasil shared her word and a beautiful expression of having your what we do should come from the head, then go the heart, THEN go out in action. The sharing continued, thankfully not in order so that no one felt pressured to share! By the end, everyone had decided to share their word!

Diane shared her word, "Come." She laughed! At first she saw it as the word 'come' in Spanish, which means to eat. But the word in English, 'come.' is the idea of us all gatheirng together. We were 12 at table. We shared a meal of physical nourishment, but more importantly shared in Eucharist in the way that we were all able to share our faith's, despite language barriers. HOW BEAUTIFUL! It was really quite emotional for me to be in the presence of 11 strong women, both religious and laity, myself included. It was touching to hear everyone's perspective, most via their word, on what the Gospel says our mission is as part of the Cabrinian and greater Christian community. It was beautiful to hear what people from other countries had to say and how relevant their ideas were even though they are from other places of the world. The part that we really awesome for me was to watch my sisters, the one with whom I live in community share their own spirit-filled reflections on their words from the Gospel. Pretty cool, huh?

I just keep finding that no matter how God-given the experiences here are, ...they never run out! He just keeps giving us more opportunities to experience Him in all that we do - in our prayer, our community time together and in each of our ministries!

(Ephesians 4:1-7, 11-13) I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all. But each of us was given grace according to the measure of Christ's gift. The gifts he gave were that some would be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ.

Yo No Sé Mañana...

No sé de hoy, ni de este momento! ¿ Quien sabe? Haha...Everytime I've turned the radio on in the last 3-4 days, the song "Yo no sé mañana," has been playing! And I was like, that's so true; I don't know about tomorrow, heck, I don't even know about today...or right now! That's where trust comes in!

All I can do is try! I came back to NY, and my first feelings were of utter relief. My summer was very special and much-needed, but the feeling of coming back to Columbus was just as great as all of the time spent away! I had been so long without the sisters!! I came back during prayer, and as soon as it was OVER, I ran into the chapel!! They are so wonderful!!! Angie, Archangel, Diane, Toni, Mary Lou, the WHOLE gang!! AND the new missioners - it was so great to finally see all of their faces! Skype is a good way to keep in contact, but a hard way to meet!

We quickly all got to spend time together, as the spider bite ensued. Everyone had a hand in both the attempted diagnosis and treatment of that thing on my arm! The missioners definitely had an interest! Sr. Toni, bless her, took time to take me to the ER to finally get the abscess drained! It's hanging in there! The good news is that I still have my arm, and the volcano is missing!

We also went on a boat cruise together! Though the event itself was questionable, I had a great time spending the ride with these three lovely ladies!!



Who knows what the rest of the year has in store? I'm just excited to see what's next!! I just pray that I stay open to the graces that come through the joy and challenge of this new yet familiar experience!

Summer Away...Part III

HOME! (August 19-31)

Coming home was a time of closure for me. Not that I won’t be returning, but it was a time for me to see people that are important to me and share that with them. It was a time for me to discuss where I am in my life and to express that though I might not always be around, it doesn’t reflect just how grateful I am to have them in my life. It was a time to go home, and the graces given were, wisdom, joy, peace, and MORE LOVE!! :)

From home home to my Green Bay home, to Jules in Madison, to Scott in IL, to Sr. Bridget at the retreat house…so many people, so many wonderful experiences and conversations!

The first weekend I was at home my parish had their annual Family Festival. It was a great opportunity to walk the grounds and catch up with many people that have had a hand in my growing up! I also got to go dancing!! Before dancing, though, I was luck enough to have a LONG-OVERDUE visit with Dan…who knows, at least now, I hope just how pivotal a role he’s played in my life without knowing! TOO MUCH TIME WITHOUT SALSA!! My health and mental well-being got re-started!! The people at the Wherehouse are SO GOOD to me! They are just too beautiful and so genuine! Got to have dinner and an evening with Jess (even though we didn’t go to Chicago for the show I was invited to ;)…dinner with Joan, coffee with Sr. Patty…the list goes on. AND OF course, with Mary O!!! :) My youth minister from HS whose come a long ever step of this long journey in a short time! One of the days my brother and sister and law came over with my nieces and nephew…one thing that I can never forget is how everyone is getting so grown up and I’m missing it ALL!!!



In Green Bay I got to spend time with the family that I babysat for when I was in college! They were my family for 3 years and continue to be very special people in my life! I also got to see Carla, Crystal’s aunt that was a great contact to have up there! I also spent the night with Andrea’s sister and kid’s who have an exchange student for the next year! They put up more than anyone with my stories of the summer! I went to St. Norbert where I was able to visit the director and a member of the Norbertine Volunteer Community! I also got to spend time with my old (former ;) campus minister, and the director of community service and development. I also got to see one on my professors!! I hope to have another opportunity to go back!



In Madison, I got to see a little bit of the world Julie’s created in the last year, which didn’t exclude time for some fun and dancing! Great to see her, as she returned from the DR after I did. It was during this time when I got the infamous bite that …

well, most of you know, but here’s part of what the process was!! This, is in no way, a reflection of the visit!! :) I had a wonderful time!

My trip to IL was nothing short of grace-filled! A quick one-hour with Sr. Bridget at the retreat house in DesPlaines was a God-given hour, for sure! Afterwards I headed to see Scott! Scott, since college has been one of the most special friends that I have…that’s put up with me! It was nice to share my experience of the summer…especially Julio, with him. Julio, though a TOTAL SITUATION, was a big part of my discernment over the summer. I got to catch up and hear about his life, which he always seems to be better at than I am!! …I talked…mostly the whole time… :( dang. Why am I so lucky to have such beautiful people in my life? I also got to spend time with his family. Between Scott, his mom, and his sisters, I have just about the best group of supporters a girl could ever ask for. Again, what did I do to deserve such good and Spirit-led individuals?!

Oh, and one of my baby sisters is in college now. Can we talk about that? She was the one that got the crash course on diaper changing! Forget about babysitting class! She was 2 and I was 8! A mature 8 lol It was again, such a beautiful experience to see what was only the beginning of her transition to college life! I am so excited for her and thrilled to see her becoming more who God made her to be!! Go, Sarah ;)

My experience ended up and home, one more night of dancing and Jim, one of my favorites even took time before I left for NY to teach my sister, Rebecca (like that?) to salsa for a quinceañera! Can one person really be so fortunate?! Going home is just another reminder in life of how much God is present everywhere and always. That brief trip in many ways served as a life review at age 24, and I jgust keep thinking, “God, really? Yes, really.

Thanks for listening…or reading!