After what, I noticed a week ago, has been longer than a year since my last blog post (though I'd started many), I was drawn to this image that I made at Call to Action 2010. In many ways, it is a great segway into all that's been going on in the last year, a great way to bring you "online" to my present experience of continuing to discern religious life (specifically with the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus).
Changing Seasons:
Right before my last post, I'd applied to and been accepted by the Cabrini Sisters (MSCs) to being initial formation. Since then I:
-continued to live in Columbus Community
-changed ministries (from CMC) to teaching ESL to adult immigrants and visiting our seniors at Dobbs Ferry
-began "vocational growth sessions" weekly in Philadelphia, PA
-made my first 8-day silent, directed retreat!
In June, I wrote a letter formally requesting acceptance as a Candidate/Postulant/Pre-novice. In the meantime I:
-traveled to FL to spend a week with the girls (my mom and sisters) and to Milwaukee to spend more time with my family and share with them what I'm doing in NY
-there I was able to share more of my discernment to religious life and this community and I even got to share some more of the Charism and celebrate Mother's birthday with my family!
-returning to New York, I went with 5 other people from our province to join other Cabrini youth from around the world for la JMJ '11 (World Youth Day) in Madrid, Spain!
-am living in a new community - Regina Pacis
-continued my ministry teaching English, and visiting our sisters at Dobbs
-began inter-congregational formation programs in New York (1 weekend/month) and Philadelphia (1 day/week)
-have a formation directress!! :)
-am discerning more deeply my call to this Charism and consecrated life
This new semester of Spring 2012, is basically the same (accept for going to Dobbs every week).
Explore:
I've been, in the last year, trying to explore the places and possibilities of God in my life. It's been challenging to let go of an attachment to expecting results, or things to unfold a particular way. When holding fast to personal constructs, there's no room for the Spirit to move...and if it's not movnig, I'm not moving! So you can see why that would be problematic! Letting go isn't easy...in fact, it's one of the most challenging things I've needed to encounter is the realm of "not knowing." For each person, the challenge to let go harbors it self in a different fear, anxiety, or even anger, but for me it's in not being afraid to trust in the unknown...and that takes WORK!
Get to Work:
ha, talking about getting to work. Since I've come to Cabrini (Mission Corps), I've been finding myself drawn, not to labor, but work on self. I've been trying, through prayer, spiritual direction, personal work, and reflection on my relationships, to dig around and find ways that I can grow. It takes time, intentionality, and especially humility to do that! When I press on...it's easier to trust...trust myself with Jesus and know that He's got everything under control. I don't need to save myself or anyone else...he's ALREADY done that - a reason to give constant praise and thanksgiving!
MOVE:
As I mentioned, my fear of the unknown makes it hard to let go and trust, but it is in fear that I can become paralyzed to neither move to good or to bad. ...that's bad! My constant prayer is one for the graces of WISDOM and COURAGE. Wisdom to have a sense of where God wills me, and courage to take initiative to get there!
Working Spirit:
Would anything be possible without the Holy Spirit, our most precious Advocate?! I think that the Holy Spirit is most often the one responsible for getting the "behind the scenes" work done. Sometimes she moves quickly, and we can sense immediate change....and other times...she's slowly and patiently working in our lives and with us. That's a tough job! That's why she's WORKING SPIRIT!!
Loving:
Finally. There's not a whole lot to be said, other than that loving is my primary motive. In my time alone with Jesus, in community with whom I live and interact with outside of my home and in my ministry, my #1 goal is to not ever be afraid to love freely and without limitations! I would like to share a Psalm with you that has very recently had a very meaningful impact on my life and personal perspective of it. With it I will leave you until, hopefully, in the near future I'll have more to share with you!
Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness
Nan C. Merrill
Psalm 3
O Beloved, how numerous are my fears!
They rise up within me whispering
there is no help for you.
Yet You, O Beloved, radiate Love
around me, my glory;
gratitude becomes my song,
When I cry out to You,
You answer within my heart.
I lie down to sleep; if I should
awaken, my Beloved is there
holding me with strength
and tenderness.
I feel secure.
Now I shall forgive all illusions
that my ego tries to build.
For my courage is in You, O Love,
You who are the Lover hidden
in every heart.
Rise up, Love! Set me free!
For through your guidance,
my fears will fade into love.
Free from fear, I will know
the Oneness of Being that
encompasses Everything!
I shall be free to serve Love
with a glad and open heart.
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