WOW....Not World of Warcraft!

Well folks, prepared to be amazed! This is actually a current entry written directly onto the webpage!! :) I will still add a little about the assembly, BUT you need to know my status!

Today I worked from 9-7 on a few hours of sleep. I came home, and knowing that I had missed dinner and prayer, I planned to eat and head up to pray...BUT I had one of the best conversations with Sr. Sharon (and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I keep having the BEST conversations!).

In this 'vida missionera,' a journey and a blog that was meant to last only a year, I am continually graced by the understanding that I am here for a reason. This is me. This is where I am supposed to be now!

You will hear more about how the assembly confirmed my discernment to be here, but everytime I have one of these "BEST coversation ever" deals, I just feel the Holy Spirit! It comes gently and leaves in an excited whirlwind! :)

It's funny because I never thought that I would want to re-process my life story again...and as I looki back, I'm not entirely sure what brought it about. Oh, Sharon mentioned my maturity (don't laugh) and wisdom (don't). I explained that I really had been shaped by my past. I began to expand a little on the glimpse of my sitch that I shared with her yesterday, but it just came out! ...bless her soul for listening! From my family, to searching even as I applied, to my time interviewing in Philly, to orientation, and to date!

I have not felt such a sense of peace, gratitude, meaning and purpose in, ...well not to make this about records, but my whole life. I mean...ME, why ME? He chose ME!?!?! It brings tears to my eyes and joy, absolute joy to my heart! ME! He just keeps doing that!

I can just revel in awe at my own existence and the presence of God's care and plan in my life! Thank GOD...literally! It's so beyond me, but that is the point! Ephesians...Thanks be to Him, whose power at work within us can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine!!! WOW! (but don't forget Prov. 3:5-8 either)

Tambien...I think that I was also reminded this evening of how strong my love, care and concern are for my family. From the outside it looks like I left. Which, physically, I did. BUT if you could see and understand the way that life just comes together...WOW! I am so blessed to have them and so hopeful for our future as faithfilled people! :) That can be extended to my immediate family as well as my family of faith...you know who you are! Let's do this!!!

I was just talking to Crystal last night about how they call this thing "Cabrini Mission Corps," which is totally code for like Circles of Discernment! The way that I have been encouraged to process and discern has opened my eyes to what has happened (oh snap, Bartemaus got healed on Sunday too!) in my life, and makes me so eager to see what lies ahead! I come to this city...yes, city! Who thought I would be in a city!? lol My dear friend once told me that no matter how 'developing' my area abroad would be that he would come find me, even if meant that he had to verbally get directions from one rock to the next! That's what I thought too, and here I am...that's how He works! (long tangent) I'm in the city, with a great community that is helping me to grow in so many ways, both with the sisters and the CM of MCM. Led into spritual direction, into ministry, then to the assembly, AND He brings more angels to our community from overseas (Swaziland, Australia, Brazil, Spain, ....) to give great insight and nuggets of wisdom...I mean really, what a set up! You just have to work for free ;)



I wish my eyes were not so tired! ha I'm going to pray before I get too sleepy (no comments), but ....WOW, you need to get over here and just see how this all works!

Washington, October 13

Today for the first time I was faced with the realities of the immigration issues in the US. As Cabrini staff, and 8 clients, we went to Washington DC to rally for Comprehensive Immigration Reform. Is there a need for change? YES!

BUT surprised by:
“Hondurenos unidos….”
Mexican flag
Si se puede
Obama, escucha, estamos en la lucha
No somos uno, no somos diez, somos millones escuchenos bien.

Today at the rally for reform, about 3,000 people were in attendance from 26 different states. People came from all areas, ethnicities, statuses. I was very intrigued as I learned more about the fight for comprehensive reform, and the initiative of Luis Gutierrez (IL) supported by Nitia Velasquez (NY). I was confused to hear as people listened intently and we were told that what we as people need to do is to unite for immigration reform. I get that. But I struggle with that understanding when the rally was mostly in Spanish…what about everyone else? Maybe we should be protesting in English? The country’s language is English, and if people want to be heard, they should at least learn their chants in English. It doesn’t do any good to tell someone to 'escucha' if they don’t entender what a person is saying, right? ...that is 'listen' for all of you non-Spanish speakers. I understand the principle, but the reality is that there are many immigrants of different origins…

I struggle internally with questions about undocumented people. I do think that something needs to be done to deal with all of the 12 million people that are here, but what do we do after? We can’t just let everyone in to gain papers within 5 years. All of the people that are on the path legal residency are people that were either allowed to come here, or were experiencing hardship… How much do we owe to people that didn’t follow the rules to get here? Every country has a process to enter. We go through the process in other countries, but what right does a person have that just wanted to come? This is a legal issue, not one of value, as many of our clients already have a special place in my heart.

I have argued, as have many, the idea that this country was made of immigrants from numerous countries around the world, BUT if we consider the times, the land was mostly unpopulated and undeveloped. We are no longer in that time. I hear the plea for a better life…BUT if this life truly is ‘better,' realistically, everyone will NOT fit here. What do we do? As I sat listening, I was thinking about the idea that if we actually helped to improve the conditions of other countries, then maybe people would be content where they are? Who knows….

After we marched to the Capitol, we were engaged by many testimonies as well as elected officials. In the beginning we could not here very well, more that 50 ft away from the stage. Tired of not being able to hear, dude just started playing music on his guitar, WHAT?! You come to DC, March to the Capital, wait to listen to what they have to say, but instead of trying harder to hear, you begin your own show, WHAT?! Sorry to vent, but I was frustrated because I could hear, faintly, what was being said, but not over a guitar! Respect? All I could think was that if he people spoke English, I would have asked him what he was were doing. They come here and at a time to listen about potential change in their favor, they’re performing?! WHAT?! So then, is it my job, as a native born, Chinese-Polish American to speak Spanish to someone to ask him to have respect? Finally I just left the group and went closer, and could hear the very touching and difficult testimonies that were less typical than I would have imagined.


It was good to hear Nitia Velasquez and Luis Gutierrez talk about their positions on Immigration Reform…especially as we are hoping that the bill will soon be proposed. The day was, afterall, a success. Something had to happen, and I do genuinely hope that they rally stressed, more than the need for support, the urgency of proposing and passing reform!

Salsa?, the 6 train, bachata, and rain...Sept. 26

It’s technically 2:30am on Sunday, so HAPPY SUNDAY! :) The Mary you know would be coming home from Saturday Salsa at the Wherehouse. The Mary that is in NY is eating cinnamon raisin bread and drinking orange juice, ready to tell a little about how today went…

Real housewives?
The day started with Crys and me going to volunteer at an artsy block party! Crystal's friend Jess works at The Kitchen which has an art gallery, studio, and theater hosting artists and performers of all kinds. This block party…which was free (accept for food and t-shirts), was so fun! They had DJs, bands, dancers, and all of the booths were a project based twist on each artist’s type of work. Flower arranging, drum circle, double dutch with braids, paper sculpture, jewelry making, tattoos, they had it all! Crystal and I worked a cookie booth, “Edible Easels,” that was quote “mad tight.” The kids and adults loved it! How fun to decorate cookies, and you get to eat them! YUMMM! The parents and kids were so cute! I loved watching them work together to create a tasty masterpiece…except for the ‘real house wife.’

It ended well, and tasted so great! :) That required a nap…for me anyways ;)

That evening, at about 10pm, I decided that my life in New York didn’t have enough adventure, or ….Salsa :) So I decided to find it! It was more a matter of research. Looking online, all I had seen were really mainstream places to dance, but I just want somewhere small to go and practice my salsa so that it doesn’t get worse than it is! Dressed for the weather (sweatshirt, vest, jeans, umbrella), you could tell I was out for a night on the town, haha.

I left at like 10:45 or 11pm to get on the 6. When I went down to wait for the train, I was unsure of the wait ahead, so I walked to sit on a bench where a man was sitting alone. In NY, there are benches with 5 divided seats which people generally fill with 3 people, every other seat, so as to not be too close to one another. As I was walking toward the bench, a woman took the seat on the opposite end. I, as the third to sit on the 5-person bench, got the middle seat! Sitting between the woman and the man that was sleeping, I sat down, and took a deep breath. As I looked up, and to the right, I realized that the man was drowsily trying to hold up a sign written on tattered cardboard that read “help,” in blue ball-point pen….that’s why nobody was sitting on that bench. Why did I?

There is something incredibly revelatory to me about a person’s need to write “help” on a sign. I may be slightly presumptuous, but a person who has to write it, probably got tired of saying without being heard. A sign is the least intrusive way, in a busy culture that ‘doesn’t sleep,’ for a person in need to reach out. This man was sleeping. He looked incredibly exhausted, and as he began to nod off, the sign would come down, and then he would sit up again. The sign would be raised, people would look, and then they carried on. I was sitting right next to him. What came to mind were the dozens of faces I have passed on the streets of New York that said, “help.”

I could not ignore him.

So, the train was coming, I could hear it. I decided that as the train came, I would ask him what he needed help with. If the situation were unsafe, I could get on the train. If he legit. needed something, I would be there to listen…

As the train came, loudly and with large gusts of wind, the man was disturbed and began to shout out. In my mind, I had decided to get on the 6 and head out. But then the man stopped. Then the train stopped and he looked me in the eye.

“What do you need help with?”
“I need money to get something to eat. I didn’t eat all day, and I am hungry.”
“All I have is two dollars.”
“Anything will help. With two dollars, and I can get an egg sandwich or something,”

An egg sandwich. I eat enough here. I eat more than enough here, and all he wants is an egg sandwich. I can handle that. But he was not off the hook. The 6 left, and I was still sitting on the bench. I asked him what he had in his hand.

“The Book of Abraham.”
“May I see it.” I flipped through the pages.
“The English is in the back.”
“What part do you read?”
“The English.”

As I read, it seemed to be an overview. I scanned the pages and saw that he underlined only one word, Judgment.

*Through scanning the section on judgment, we are able to free ourselves from the judgment of others, at the same time we are freed from our own judgmental tendencies.

“Why did you underline this?”

He seemed surprised by many things. I didn’t take the train that I had been waiting for. I didn’t ignore him. I gave him my only two dollars. I asked to see his book. I asked him why that phrase was important to him. And I didn’t take the second 6 train.

He explained to me his view on how other people judge. At times I agreed, and at times I didn’t, but at no point did what he say conflict with what I believe. He began to pass through topics like unplanned pregnancy, not being prepared for children, people in NYC not caring. He talked about growing up in Brooklyn, and said that he should leave, that he was too old to put up with it anymore. After finding out that I was from Wisconsin, he was quick to decide that that would be his next destination, presuming that in Milwaukee, everyone was friendly and neighborly. In some parts, yes, that is true, but people make choices everywhere to do or act a certain way.

Another 6 train came. As the rattling on the tracks began closer and louder, we would break from our conversation, only to resume once the train left again. Each time a train came and the people on the cart in front looked at us in curiosity. You might know, better than I, what questions were going through their heads. Whatev. The train left and we continued.

“What is your name?”
“Michael.”
“My dad’s name is Michael G“
“What is his second name?
“Michael Gabriel, what is yours?”
….
….
“Tomorrow is Sunday, I need to go to church.”
“What church do you go to?”
“It’s in Harlem, Ebenezer Baptist Church. You’ve never been there?”

He closed his eyes. I ‘helped’ him and in return, he gave me the little bit of company that I needed on a Saturday night. His eyes were so red, I could tell that he was worn out. I decided that was all our conversation was to be. A million questions went through my mind. What was it like growing up in Brooklyn? Where did you go to school? When did you stop? What kind of work have you done? Tell me more about people's judging. Why are your feelings so strong about people unprepared to have children? What things do you enjoy doing? What is your favorite food? Let’s go eat! Do you go to church alone? What is your community like? Have you always gone to Baptist church? Where did you get the Book of Abraham?.....

His eyes were still closed, and as the noise of the 4th 6 train approached, my questions got lost in the noise. I tapped him.

“Michael, my name is Mary. It was really nice to meet you. I hope that you have a good Sunday tomorrow, especially at church. I am going to church as well, and I’ll be sure to think of you.”

After that, I had experienced enough to head home. But don't forget, I was looking for salsa! I quick hopped on the 6 and waved goodbye to my new acquaintance. We are trying to become regular, right?

I took the 6 to Bleecker St.….I was looking for somewhere on Broadway and Houston. Got off. As is per usual, upon coming to the surface, I headed, in the rain, in the exact opposite direction of where I wanted to go. Lafayette, Mott, Bowery…? Nope, other way.

I found Broadway and decided to investigate north and saw flashing lights…that’s got to be salsa, and it was. I changed sides of the street only to see what I could as I passed by. I wasn’t really dressed to be out, and there were a lot of people outside…so I didn’t stare in lol. That was enough and conveniently I realized that I had killed two birds with one stone. The place that was recommended to me on that intersection happened to also be the name of a restaurant that another person at Sunset Salsa had suggested to me during the week…getting familiar. That was salsa. I also wanted bachata and merengue.

Bachata and merengue are Domincan…so I walked to where Dominicans live on the LES. I walked east on Houston for a while, intrigued by the night scene in NY. It was raining and cold. Girls definitely were not wearing enough to be warm, and the guys noticed for sure. I chuckled. They noticed, ha. I kept walking and I heard salsa on like 1st or 2ndAve. I waited on the corner and listened. Again, I was avoiding the staring in thing and I was alone, so I stood outside and listened. It was definitely salsa and cha cha, but I wasn’t moved. People came in and out. Spanish and English speakers, but no body seemed like they had been dancing. Finally someone same out and said, “The band like took up the whole bar.” Oh…its just to create a mood? I looked in and sure enough, there were like 4 people dancing, and the rest of floor space was a few-person band...

I continued on Houston until the streets started sounding familiar for the Dominican neighborhood. I figured that if I wandered long enough, I was sure to find what I was looking for. Sr. Dianne said that the area was Dominican, and when we went to church the Saturday before, I did here bachata and merengue in some of the ‘colmado’ type stores. Heading south, it was a little dark…there were rats. That wasn’t as big of a deal as the fact that I did not know what I was really looking for. I passed by small salsa, like 4 people dancing. I passed bachata, like 10 guys in a restaurant. I passed something that looked like a club, too dark to tell, one guy standing outside smoking. Ran into Pitt, and walked up to the church….nothing else.

So I backtracked to the ‘club smoker.’ “Do you know where there is somewhere to dance around here?” Not familiar. Bachata guy smoking outside restaurant said, “This is the best that there is.”…kind of figured he was going to say that. We talked for a while, and he could tell that I was having a hard time standing outside while the bachata was inside, so he convinced me to go in. I went in. As is per usual, got a couple dirty latina looks, and proceeded to try bachata. I LOVE IT!!! But they were all watching, and clearly, this is not my stuff, so after one, I sheepishly scurried to the door, grabbed my umbrella, waved goodbye and prepared to head home. I couldn’t leave the bachata. Before I knew it, there were like 3 guys outside…they could tell that I didn’t want to go and were asking me to come back. They were not at all threatening, but it was coming on 1:30, and I did say that I would be home by 2 from my adventure, so I finally left. Unsure if I wanted to be in contact with my one-time dance partner, I did not give him my number, but did take his, we’ll see…

Trains home, back safely. I found some salsa, a potential location for bachata/merengue plus another recommendation, a conversation with a kind man…that was enough for my Saturday! Happy SUNDAY! :)

Columbus Community...Are you willing to be disturbed? YES!

One thing that our Superior General of the MSCs (Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart) told us was – we need to be willing to be disturbed, to reach outside our comfort zone. I’m becoming increasingly aware of the fact that if I don’t bring you all up to date soon, I’m going to be talking about the past for a long time!

One thing that many people know is that I struggled greatly in the beginning with the challenge of community. The blessing, coming to live at the convent, with a currently existing community, is that Crystal, Michelle and I had an unbelievable (really, you have to see this) foundation. Not having each other would have definitely hindered the transition process.

Complications that I had adjusting to the community can, looking back be summed up in the understanding that when we moved in, all of the community members were not at the house. For a day or two, I became comfortable with, what I thought, was the dynamic of the community. Once everyone was here, I was a little shook up because the dynamic wasn’t as clearly understood as I thought. The transition process to the community has come though understanding, at least generally, everyone’s personalities and tendencies. These are personal tendencies/habits, as well as how certain individuals in the community react to one another. I can say that today, six and a half weeks later, I really do love the community. The community in itself is a blessing, and the dynamics are constantly changing as we are a 'house of hospitality' inviting guests from all over…

The Structure….
We live in a 4-floor building. On the first floor we have a kitchen, dining room, chapel, office, and sitting room. On the second floor we have a living/community room and a computer room as well as three sisters residence. On the third floor Crystal and I live with two of the sisters, and Michelle is on 4 with one more sister. The missioners are in rooms that are connected by a bathroom, while the sisters occupy both sides, one side for sleeping, and one for and office, etc.

The other structure...
Everyday, we all eat breakfast and leave to do our own thing and return to community. In the evening we have dinner together at 5:30pm, followed by dishes/clean-up and prayer. Then we scatter again. Community is like living in a family. We try to eat together every day, but the reality is that many of are often busy. I love when we’re all home for dinner and prayer! I also enjoy when we do things together outside of the convent. It was nice when we first moved in because, since we hadn’t started work, I was able to go to church with Sr. Alberta (we’ve also gone to a movie and out to lunch with her), go to CCNR with Sr. Angie, and we went to a performance of a one-man play and to Cabrini Home in Dobbs Ferry with Sr. Dianne and Angie. We’re going bowling next week at the “Bowling for Cabrini” event!

The girls…
Sr. Angie cracks me up. She was one of our orphans in Philly. She is incredible thoughtful and genuine. This girl runs around all day, almost always traveling by foot. I have walked around with her and secretly she made me tired! She is part of our main comic relief as she often just shrugs her shoulders. She’s kind of sassy when she talks and I love it…too funny. She is very generous and always considerate. Whenever she says something smart to me, it makes me want to throw my arms around her! Ask her if she likes it and she'll be like, like it? ...love her!!

Sr. Archangel, aka ‘the Mayor.’ I told someone that her nickname was ‘the Mayor.’ Their response – “Archangel isn’t a big enough name, she needs the Mayor too?!” Yes. Common phrases are “Oh giiirrrlllss,” “Big deal,” and “Hello, Darling.” She said that she can’t remember everyone’s name, so she just calls them Darling. Archangel is quick to give you a compliment, but she’ll always contradict it with something else. “You didn’t think that I was going to let your head blow up like a balloon, did you?” haha Love her!

Sr. Alberta is a sweet person with the very best of intentions. She usually is at home, but very frequently attends mass around the corner. She also leaves to run errands close to home and to go to prayer services. When at Columbus, she has ELS students that come Mon-Thursday for a couple hours a day. Her sessions are always one-on-one. After Crystal, she is my closest neighbor, so I see her a lot. This girl calls me “Maria,” which I love…and sometimes Marie. She is very thankful and observant when it comes to recognizing the gifts of individual people. She'll be moving in December, after Christmas.

Sr. Pat works with me at Cabrini Center for Nursing and Rehab (CCNR). There she helps coordinate the masses, and also does one-on-one pastoral visits with the residents/patients. She is very straightforward, and a great worker. She is definitely a doer, and is one of the most thoughtful people that I have ever met. She has such a beautiful heart, and I am very grateful to have had time in community with her. She never seeks any recognition for her good deeds, and consequently, I think that she can be under appreciated! She is done working at CCNR at the end of this month, and she will be leaving at the end of December also, as she is being transferred to Colorado :(

Sr. Consolata is a gem. I LOVE her little Italian kisses! She has a very quiet presence, and has been quoted a saying that “Living in this community will bring you to sanctity.” We’ll see ;) She too, is leaving. When we moved in August, she was at the Senior Residence in Philly. When she left here, she didn’t move out because Philly was temporary. Once she is ready, she will be moving into Sacred Heart Convent with all of the other sisters that have just moved up from Philly. Many of you know about that transition as well. Consolata is too sweet. Every day when I see her she gives me about five kisses on the cheek. She will get you with her cute little smile. Her Italian accent also is a little infectious!

Sr. Dianne is incredible. She is our point person for the community. If we have questions or concerns we go to her. Likewise, members of the community can go to her if they have questions or concerns related to us. She is such a peaceful and present woman. She is incredibly well educated…when talking about higher education she has masters, plural! She has an amazing gift and sensitivity to people with any disability, handicap, disease. That is how she was raised, and that is how she lives out her ministry. She had many passions, deafness, dementia, Spanish, to name a few. I think that’s why I relate well to her :)

There will be much more to come, but this is more or less the skeleton of our community’s composition!

I am loved, so are you!

I know this is a ways back, but it is an experience that you need to know about!

The night before we finished orientation, we shared our commitment statements heading into a year of ministry. As we prepared to share with one another our hopes and goals for the year, we sang the Summons. I leaned over and told Justin, ‘This one’s a tear jerker.” Surprisingly, I was well composed as we sang:

"Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown?
Will you let my name be known,will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?"

"And in the end we answered …
Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me."

As the song finished, we walked up one by one to share what we were committing to this year. Enveloped in the presence, I almost forgot to go. Realizing that there were a mere few left, I got up to read mine.

“I begin my ministry with CMC with an openness to the Spirit, trusting in God. I will remain open to the needs of others as well as my own, actively striving to be in ‘right relationship” with all whom I encounter.

I want to embrace my community including Crystal, Michelle, and Sr. Dianne, as well as the other sisters. I will try to be honest, respectful and vulnerable in hopes of having an experience of great joy, growth, support, and challenge.

I will work toward simplicity in my life, removing all that creates distance between God and myself as well as with others in my relationships. I want read and feed on God’s Word. I will seek God prayerfully in all things, searching for ways to grow and change so that I, too, may see myself as God’s beloved.

If the question is, “May I have this dance?” my answer is, “Yes.” I want to relax and follow the Leader. I am confident that God wants me. In accepting that I need to let go of what I know and take God’s hand – take it with gratitude and dance with compassion.

I have a passion for the love and service of the Lord. He has awakened my heart. I will do the best I can to recognize that I am loved and share that love, even if it is not accepted. There is an infinite supply of love and I want my ministry to be to dispense it.”

Reading was a little diffifult, as I felt incredibly vulnerable to my community and to the Spirit. I sat down again next to Justin and took a deep breath. When I looked up, my gaze fixed on the crucifix on the wall behind the altar. It was so painful to look at, yet I couldn’t turn away from Christ on the cross. There He was looking directly at me. I know, right? ME!

At my home parish, we have a risen Christ on the cross, so I am rarely confronted with our dying Lord. Finally, I was able to look away, but only for a moment. My eyes once again were fixed on Jesus. He was looking at me and all I could here was “This is how much I love you. This is why my love is unconditional and never-ending.” The tears were rolling down my cheeks as I, for the first time in my life, truly appreciated the sacrificial grace. I have never been more moved or felt more gratitude. Thank God, I am loved.

Justin looked at me and he was like, “Is it the song?” Well, actually it wasn’t. I tried to explain but it was hard. Leaving to go to dinner it was difficult to transition from such a powerful experience. I shared it with Gina after dinner and later with Crystal and Michelle. Until now, I had only told my mother and Julie. It was a beautiful realization of the love and grace of God that I had come to know and understand throughout the course of the orientation time.