maybe not livin' on a prayer, but living on prayer, itself, rather. This weekend marked the halfway point for the 10 months of mission in New York. It has been and continues to be an experience that is constantly offering and inviting more as it progresses.
Yesterday a previous Swaziland, Africa missioner came into NY to stay with us. The sisters asked me,
"Did you meet Heather yet?"
"Well, no, not yet." (Don't they know that I'm awkward and don't naturally thrive in new social situations?!)
"You should go up."
Um, without a social buffer? Where is MIchelle?! Crys?!
Whatever; I went up :) SO GLAD I DID! She is WONDERFUL! Right away, she invited me in and our conversation began, lasting from about 5:30 until after 10! Some of the first questions that she asked me were "So, what are you doing?" "How do you like the year so far?" Among many other questions, the way that our conversation continued was a perfect example of how life is and God works. She immediately allowed our conversation to go to a place where it was real(I LOVE THAT), so that when she leaves, I can say, "Wow. Thank God (literally) that we met!"
At dinner at the diner, Lyric, with Michelle, she asked, "So are your conversations always this deep?" Well, no, but usually....yes. This is a good thing, I think! I realized that being as close as we are, and how orientation just allowed our relationship to be, we by nature take ALWAYS advantage of being deep when the opportunity presents itself. It doesn't happen often that you meet people and you can just plunge into the depths with from the surface. ...That's what we do ;) That being said, her visit has been (all of a day so far) INCREDIBLE because she just entered right into that with us, sharing in stories and experiences!! In addition, she is HILARIOUS, and we all know how valued joy humor and laughter are in our relationships!
I have tried to describe, in words, this amazing feeling of being blessed by yet another person in my time with Cabrini. This year, by nature of the program has allowed me to be as 'deep' as I want, BUT more importantly as deep as I need to be. That is what I needed this year. When I moved home for the year in 2008 to pay off my loans, I eased in, and by the time I was comfortable, it was time to leave. My time in NY has been exactly the opposite. This time has invited my experiences of grace/blessing and revelations of who I am ( or have been created to be) so abundant that in 5 months I feel as though I have had years of growth and meaning. Thank you!!!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Sunshine, Becoming Who I Am, Bingo, Baptism, Young Adults, and Hot Chocolate ;)
This morning I ...as Crystal thinks I should, ...slept in!! :) I had lunch with Michelle, 2 eogs+ mashed potatoes + sweet potatoes=lunch today!! After I went to gather my belongings to head down to the Lower East Side to see our lovely senior sisters, I went out and thanked God for two things: 1) It was not too, too cold 2) It was so beautiful and sunshiney! THANKS! I was so motivated by that to continue having blessed Sunday.
As I was walking down 3rd Ave, I decided (don't judge me... :( ...) on a cup of hazelnut coffee from Dunkin' ....slowly but surely, he is probably acquiring the larger part of my stipend :( I walked down to 14th St. to get on the M14A bus to head to the convent as I continued to soak up the sun (not the cold) on this oh-so-wonderful day! Got on the bus, and a friendly woman made room for me. I quickly finished my coffee because I was too excited to begin reading, Becoming Who You Are by James Martin, SJ. WOW This book...wow. I was so glad that I started it, and soon I will go up to my room to continue reading it. On Wednesday we are going to a talk by James Martin at St. Ignatius Loyola parish, and I thought, since I had the book, that now would be the most appropriate time to read it!
As a poor reader, I was hesitant, as with many books that I start, I never see the end pages. I'm pretty sure that this will be different. I began even in the early chapters to gain insight into what exactly I'm doing as I am trying to become myself, that is, who I am with God, who He created me to be. I know that there is A LOT to work on, BUT was affirmed in knowing that all of my searching and the feeling of being both lost and found, all come down to that quest of trying to find who I am as my best true self. I related a lot to what the author was saying through his encounters both with Thomas Merton, Henri Nouwen, and the Saints. It was a book that I found particularly readable and exactly what I need right now.
As of late, I have found myself, Atipically interested in people...men, that have really been, quite...uninterested in me. Home and here, I find the answer to be just about the same. "Mary, you're not ready." Well, maybe if I find someone to walk with.."Mary, you're not ready." Well....NO well. It is what it is. I am in the midst of a great journey right now, one that involves growing closer to who God made me to be, and what he has in store for me. Growing away from a false self that I perhaps put on for all of you then, and closer to who I really am now. I feel good about where I am. I am not all the way, but I know that I have made large strides in the last 6 years, and especially in the last 11-12 months. If you are reading this, and you have known me, chances are that the person you are listening to is very different than the person you met....more on the inside than anywhere else....this is good :) So, I'm not ready...because, probably because I'm not really me yet. So if the questions is to be with someone, or to be with Christ as a religious...I don't really know because I don't really know myself well enough....yet :)
I read about one chapter on the way to the convent and, if you know anything about public transport or are educated enough to presume, it takes forever!! :) By the time I got to the convent, I was able to stay long enough to interrupt them playing BINGO, and to visit with a few of the sisters before I had to turn around and head back uptown so that I would not be late for 5pm mass at St. Frances of Assisi. That stinks, but I am always glad for any time that I have down at Sacred Heart with the seniors...:)
The good news is that I was back on the bus, ready for one more chapter of my book. I read some on the bus, laughing (yes, outloud), at some of the comments, and continued reading on the train THOROUGHLY distracted by the hundreds of New Yorkers that got on the train without pants. Yes...that's right, no pants! Improv Everywhere (check it out if you don't know about it and it sounds interesting) decided that this moment would be the time where hundreds of people would be riding the train with out pants....not sure how I feel about that particular task(and I have never been present for any of these challenges in NYC...Ironically I found out later that both Michelle and Crystal had planned on participating!), and it was a little distracting, but -no fear- I read on. Got off in time for mass after using, for the first time, the only public restroom that I know about (very clean and recommended...32nd and Broadway :) I finished reading a third chapter of the book as I arrived a half an hour before mass. I had a little bit of quiet time, and then began the celebration of the Solemnity of the Baptism of the LORD!!! :)
Mass was WONDERFUL today :) It always is, but it really hit home today. The music, friendly people, the feast, great! Fr. Jerome preached, which I LOVE, because he always does it with a prayer, beginning and closing with the sign of the cross. His last words were about being a witness to Christ in the way that we love :) Mass was very powerful for me, and I felt a strong calling to Christ (respsonsorial psalm helped that), and the offertory hymn of baptism, being washed, renewed and transformed...so good! We had to oldies but goodies from David Haas :) It's the end of Christmas, and it closed beautifully with the Baptism of the Lord, I mean, really the HS came down in the form of a dove, and God claimed Jesus as His son and said that He is well pleased with Him!!...What a BAPTISM!!! :)
After mass, Michelle and I went into Penn Station to take the train to Holy Hour, but first we stopped for some dinner on the go: lamb and rice...incredible...this also comes highly recommended as it is well-priced and on almost every street corner in the city! We headed up for the latter part of Frassati. (Every month, Catholic young adults in the city are invited by the Franciscan Friars, for mass at 5:30 followed by dinner and holy hour.) Since Michelle my belle lectored at the 5pm mass at St. Frances of Assisi, we made it in time for Holy Hour, which again was AMAZING! I will admit, that this is the first time that I have been actively engaged by Adoration. Today, in fact, was probably the first day that I was truly ready for it, after having read part of Becoming Who You Are, and really reflected on what parts of me are left to become who God meant....It was one of the most prayerful and close times that I have felt, and it was like Christ was just inviting ME (and everyone else there ;) to be with HIM... :) I'm excited to see if we go next month, as it will be on the oh-so-hallmark holiday, Valentine's Day!
After that, Michelle and I went to the diner, Lyric for hot chocolate, we were SO cold! And now that we know their entire evening staff by name, it has begun to be a quite 'homey' place for us to go and unwind before heading back to Columbus. The evening included hot chocolate which was DELICIOUS, plus an SVA student that, at first, was sitting alone. He began to talk to Michelle while I was in the bathroom, and...well, I invited him to sit with us because of the weird me looking over the booth thing with my head spun around like an owl...Turns out...and I'm sure you're not surprised, I'm not either. He had already moved from a prior location to the booth next to ours, probably per the citing of the oh-so-lovely Michelle....so our conversation kept leading to things like. Interested in hanging out? Do you guys go out? e-mail? Facebook? ...CLEARLY he had a motive, and I was NOT about to hand her over, so we got the checks, and I took the beautiful maiden with me back to the castle tower, Columbus Community where she is safe within the walls of the Convent ;)
On that note, so fortunately, I am going to head up to read and wait for the other beautiful maiden to return from her...well, that's why I'm waiting. I need to know how her night went ;) Good night, and a very very happy Sunday to you all! :)
Friday, January 1, 2010
What are you doing?
That is a good question. When I went home, I had an evening, with some great people from St. Norbert College '08 :) I arrived...last as usual ha, but I got to see Scott in IL :) As I began to catch up with everyone, Tanya just said, "What are you doing?" I read your blog, but what are you doing. My blog is a reflection both of what my goals in NY were, as well as the challenge of this experience of coming into two ministries.
If life is to be considered as Solitude (prayer), Community, and Ministry, then my areas of need included Solitude and Community. Ministry was the part that I had down before I found Cabrini...or she found me, rather. I had life backwards when I came here. I was serving, not taking time for my community (which for the last year had been my own family), and not taking the time to be with God - to be open to finding the connections between His desires and mine, in Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving, and Supplication ACTS.... When I came here, I found myself incredibly blessed to live in a community that offered both joys and struggles. Most importantly, I began to grow it what it meant to understand and be a member of presence in community. I am so thankful for the beauty of the individuals with whom I live, now down to 6 (four sisters and two other missioners). In my Solitude, or spirituality, I have seen great strides in the time that I take to be with God, thanks to my retreat of Ignation Spirituality in Everyday Life (ISEL). This retreat that was originally designed for a month has been spread out over 9 months. The four 'weeks' that it used to be deal sin, Jesus' life, His death, and His resurrection. I have an hour a day to pray, and meet with my spiritual director weekly for an hour....so what do I do?
When I'm not trying to grow as an individual and within my community, I work between two jobs. I work at Cabrini Immigrant Services three days a week, and at Cabrini Center for Nursing and Rehabilitation two days a week. The specific challenge of this reality of two jobs is the pull between them. Too much work for one, not enough work for the other. The feeling of not being enough for either because of lack time offered and availability to clients and patients. That feeling of waking up and needing to think about where I'm working, what time and what that means for if I get home in time for dinner, and how tired I will be at the end of the day to contribute to my communities sisters (MSC) and missioners (CMC). It has not been easy, and I spent the last four months praying for the grace that it takes to accept both the tension and struggles, and come to find my place in each.
Cabrini Immigrant Services - (Check out the video clip of this ministry!) At CIS I work as...well, whatever they need. My job description was really written to incorporate the random functions that I serve. As a caseworker, I have a few clients that are all survivors of domestic abuse. These clients were part of the agency before I got there, so rather than dealing with the actual abuse, I work more with the social services after. Childcare, employment, orders of protection, custody orders, etc. This involves traveling to hospitals, courthouses, gov. agencies. The work that I do here is very fulfilling, but in the beginning, I struggled with turning Spanish on and off, not being around to respond and work with my clients. 'Tomorrow' for me is really two days from now as I'm only there every other day. A few days is a week, and before you know it, I am not talking to my clients nearly as often as I can. I was working Nursing days with phone calls and sometimes on the weekends, even being on retreat, to be sure that my clients were progressing in specific areas in a timely manner. This really started to get to me in December, especially as I was trying to finish the two-month project of the Christmas gifts. I also have my desk in a kitchen. I like it, because it keeps me very involved...but that also leaves me open and susceptible to answering the door, the phones, convos with clients, and the inevitable quesion "Are you busy?" ...which leads to what do you need, which....you can tell where this goes. I have found it very challenging to be very focused on my work, and I am often pulled into the other activity of the office. Christmas project done. Hopes for the new year include being more present to my clients, for sure. I also am going to tutor and ESL student once a week. One part of my job description that has yet to be addressed is finding a way to get training for the office on domestic abuse so that we are all more well versed in that area. I have great hopes for that! Also...don't laugh, or get really confused, but I might...or probably will be finding myself in NY for another year (fall '10 to summer '11). Stay tuned for more info/explanation on that!
Cabrini Center for Nursing and Rehabilitation - the greater need for grace. Without getting into too much. My job description when I arrived here wasn't what I, or the mission corps, thought. The struggle to settle in revolved around that, as I was supposed to be taking a clinical pastoral care class, but wasn't doing pastoral care...and beyond. I do work in the pastoral care department, but my work is in fact in the pastoral care office. I minister on a more administrative/clerical manner, but do manage to find grace in that ...now, plus in the ways that I serve in our masses and other religious services as well as in my interaction in passing with the residents around the building and with the staff of the facility. I can honestly say now that I do like that job :) I work mainly with the director, Sr. Doris, who is a Sister of Charity. She and I get along very well, and after getting beyond the job description issue, have really become comfortable with one another. ...this is good :)
So that is what I do :)
I need to get myself out of a diner (better, the diner, Lyric....oh, the quest to become 'regular' in NYC :) that I have been in for too long as a patron with only a cup of coffee and a slice of Tira Misu :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR :)
If life is to be considered as Solitude (prayer), Community, and Ministry, then my areas of need included Solitude and Community. Ministry was the part that I had down before I found Cabrini...or she found me, rather. I had life backwards when I came here. I was serving, not taking time for my community (which for the last year had been my own family), and not taking the time to be with God - to be open to finding the connections between His desires and mine, in Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving, and Supplication ACTS.... When I came here, I found myself incredibly blessed to live in a community that offered both joys and struggles. Most importantly, I began to grow it what it meant to understand and be a member of presence in community. I am so thankful for the beauty of the individuals with whom I live, now down to 6 (four sisters and two other missioners). In my Solitude, or spirituality, I have seen great strides in the time that I take to be with God, thanks to my retreat of Ignation Spirituality in Everyday Life (ISEL). This retreat that was originally designed for a month has been spread out over 9 months. The four 'weeks' that it used to be deal sin, Jesus' life, His death, and His resurrection. I have an hour a day to pray, and meet with my spiritual director weekly for an hour....so what do I do?
When I'm not trying to grow as an individual and within my community, I work between two jobs. I work at Cabrini Immigrant Services three days a week, and at Cabrini Center for Nursing and Rehabilitation two days a week. The specific challenge of this reality of two jobs is the pull between them. Too much work for one, not enough work for the other. The feeling of not being enough for either because of lack time offered and availability to clients and patients. That feeling of waking up and needing to think about where I'm working, what time and what that means for if I get home in time for dinner, and how tired I will be at the end of the day to contribute to my communities sisters (MSC) and missioners (CMC). It has not been easy, and I spent the last four months praying for the grace that it takes to accept both the tension and struggles, and come to find my place in each.
Cabrini Immigrant Services - (Check out the video clip of this ministry!) At CIS I work as...well, whatever they need. My job description was really written to incorporate the random functions that I serve. As a caseworker, I have a few clients that are all survivors of domestic abuse. These clients were part of the agency before I got there, so rather than dealing with the actual abuse, I work more with the social services after. Childcare, employment, orders of protection, custody orders, etc. This involves traveling to hospitals, courthouses, gov. agencies. The work that I do here is very fulfilling, but in the beginning, I struggled with turning Spanish on and off, not being around to respond and work with my clients. 'Tomorrow' for me is really two days from now as I'm only there every other day. A few days is a week, and before you know it, I am not talking to my clients nearly as often as I can. I was working Nursing days with phone calls and sometimes on the weekends, even being on retreat, to be sure that my clients were progressing in specific areas in a timely manner. This really started to get to me in December, especially as I was trying to finish the two-month project of the Christmas gifts. I also have my desk in a kitchen. I like it, because it keeps me very involved...but that also leaves me open and susceptible to answering the door, the phones, convos with clients, and the inevitable quesion "Are you busy?" ...which leads to what do you need, which....you can tell where this goes. I have found it very challenging to be very focused on my work, and I am often pulled into the other activity of the office. Christmas project done. Hopes for the new year include being more present to my clients, for sure. I also am going to tutor and ESL student once a week. One part of my job description that has yet to be addressed is finding a way to get training for the office on domestic abuse so that we are all more well versed in that area. I have great hopes for that! Also...don't laugh, or get really confused, but I might...or probably will be finding myself in NY for another year (fall '10 to summer '11). Stay tuned for more info/explanation on that!
Cabrini Center for Nursing and Rehabilitation - the greater need for grace. Without getting into too much. My job description when I arrived here wasn't what I, or the mission corps, thought. The struggle to settle in revolved around that, as I was supposed to be taking a clinical pastoral care class, but wasn't doing pastoral care...and beyond. I do work in the pastoral care department, but my work is in fact in the pastoral care office. I minister on a more administrative/clerical manner, but do manage to find grace in that ...now, plus in the ways that I serve in our masses and other religious services as well as in my interaction in passing with the residents around the building and with the staff of the facility. I can honestly say now that I do like that job :) I work mainly with the director, Sr. Doris, who is a Sister of Charity. She and I get along very well, and after getting beyond the job description issue, have really become comfortable with one another. ...this is good :)
So that is what I do :)
I need to get myself out of a diner (better, the diner, Lyric....oh, the quest to become 'regular' in NYC :) that I have been in for too long as a patron with only a cup of coffee and a slice of Tira Misu :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR :)
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