He Shall Be Peace

One thing that I have definitely come to appreciate in the Church is the transition and cycle of the liturgical year. I have been especially aware of Advent this year. If you know me, I will always say that my favorite holiday is Easter. During lent, I love taking the time to reflect and prepare for the renewal and gift of grace that comes in remembering the death and resurrection of Christ. If you know me very well, my favorite mass of Holy Week is Holy Thursday. That being said, two things of importance stem from this. The first order of concern is that, as a Catholic, one who is very connected to the end of Jesus' life, and the Last Supper in particular, why do I struggle so much with what Catholic Eucharist celebrates. The other, less challenging, area is what this time of Advent has meant for me, as a person that usually finds most spiritual fulfillment in preparing for Easter.



Living with the sisters, as well as having the beautiful liturgist, Michelle, in community has helped me to better understand and appreciate this beautiful time of Advent. The beginning of the season we decorated for Advent, later for Christmas, but I was reminded of my own home, where we did the same thing. we were that house. The one that still had their decorations up for 3 weeks to a month after Christmas, and we always had to justify why it was exactly that they went up so late, and came down so late....it's liturgical, duh! haha Either way, I felt both in the environment of our house, as well as in our time together and prayer a sense of waiting. Not just waiting, but preparing for the coming of Christ.



I am at home, and went back to my home parish Our Lady of Lourdes (ironically Marian, if you know me...). Today, Father Dominic received, in his pick up truck, a small statue of the face of Mary from the Angel Gabriel. In him bringing up Mary and the need to be Mary, I was reminded of our need to be "pregnant." Not just waiting, but preparing. When you find out that you are going to have a child, you don't sit around for 9 months just waiting. It takes time to prepare your life for what it means to allow/bring that child into the world! This is what we are doing now. I felt particularly challenged to do that in a New York City Advent.

As I mentioned in my last post, the entries of this blog have become fewer and fewer. That is a direct reflection of what my life has been in the last few weeks. Amidst the spiritual preparation for the birth of Christ, I was responsible, since October, with the obtaining and distributing of Christmas presents for all of the children of our clients of Cabrini Immigrant Services. This sounded a lot easier then than it ended up being, especially in the last week. BUT in lieu of my desire to board my plane on Friday, I had to kick it into high gear to ensure being prepared to leave. This was quite exhaustive, and to be very honest this month was the most exhausting yet for ministry, community, and solitude! Thankfully I have awesome support here! You're probably wondering what this has to do with preparing for Christ...that was my question too!

I found, though this was my busiest Avdent, just how crucial it was to find 'peace' in myself and the world around me. The reading for the 4th Sunday from Advent was from Micah. The prophet talks about the coming ruler from lowly origins in Bethlhem...the reading concludes with the four words, fit to be the title of this post: He shall be peace (Micah 5:1-4a). That is the answer. The reason that I even survived a NYC Advent was the great sense of peace that set in, knowing of the coming of Jesus. Thanks be to God for contradicting the chaos of my present reality, as well as the chaos and darkness of the world when Christ was born.





I have been rambling now, and will post this, un poquito atrasado, as my only December post after promising more than 3 posts for this month! Well, there is always the new year! :) Merry CHRISTmas!

"Open up your pretty brown eyes and look the hell around"...

Well, as you may have noted, my blog entries have become less and less, which means that the busyness here has become more and more! Things have been crazy at work with the holidays, Thanksgiving distribution, retreats, workshops, clients, patient visits, time with the sisters, and time with the girls. The good news is that little by little, all of it is helping to bring me to a greater understanding of what I am here for. To learn and grow in God...working on it!!



Coming home from Thanksgiving time in Philly and the gratitude for a prayerful and intimate celebration, we have been thrown back into reality! Life should be a prayerful and intimate celebration, but it is not easy amidst the happenings of everyday life...or is it?

I have been, as part of the 19th Annotation (Ignation Sprituality in Everyday Life), in the first part of the retreat that lasts 4 weeks (in the 9-month plan). It has been eye-opening to try to learn about and grow about in areas that need the most work, especially ones were Jesus is like "Hey Mare, I know you haven't realized this yet, but you should think about why you do this __________ " Ok, thanks, ....working on it! When I'm not in 'prayer' (like chapel), I've been in prayer (out and about), discerning more about community (large and small-just missioners) as well as my own ministry and possiblities for next year. It's almost scary the way that things just come about. My gut reaction is "No..." and that lasts about 1 min. before it's added to the mix of discernment and true way of living to see where I am following Him to next!



Oh, yeah, excuse the language in the post title, but today at work, I was reminded of that quote from Save the Last Dance....I know, I know, bare with me! We were talking about the line of people that come for Thanksgiving and the need for police presence for things that we really just cannot control in such times of great need. Comments had included things like, "We don't want to ...but we almost have to," "It's just hard, you don't want people to feel like they are being watched," etc. I chimed in after observing (a true 5 personality!), "Well, maybe having the police presence will help with a feeling of security, you know, knowing that people will be less likely to get violent if there is that authority presence." ...DENIED...."Well you also have to consider what people's perception of cops is. If you're from the suburbs, it's different than if you live on the Lower East Side....

So, ...she was right! In my mind I was like "You don't know I'm from the suburbs!" But then I realized...my comment was pretty subruban because that's how I view "police presence" I was informed that other people don't necessarily even trust police....among other things that I was not aware of in my own naivity! Great! That stinks that I don't know who I'm dealing with!

BUT that little conversation left me with a true desire to learn more about what it really means to not be living in Gramercy Park... What it means to have and increased police presence in my neighborhood because of an increase in drug dealing... What it means to not trust authority because of my experience (perhaps leading me not to trust)...What it truly means to be in another person's shoes. I've spent my ministry living in 'solidarity' with the people I'm serving, but the truth is, at least for now, that I really can't ever completely understand what other people's perspectives are. BUT that doesn't mean that I don't have the responsibility to learn and be as aware as I possibly can! Add this to the list :)

I was very thankful this evening after some time with Sr. Dianne and the girls to iron out a little bit of the not so goods from community retreat last weekend, and I am glad to have Gina coming next week to have a night together to touch on the logistics of what it means to be three 23-24 year-old girls on mission living with six (soon to be four) vowed religious. I couldn't have chosen a greater group to share and grow with this year, but there is an evident need to encourage and facilitate open communication that bridges the gap (no matter the size) between the two.

Thanks for listening/reading...I am going down to the chapel. Peace for now, and I hope to get more than 3 posts done in December! :)

Thanksgiving...no room for interpretation!

In these last few days, I have been filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for where I am at this point in my life.

On Sunday we returned from retreat with GSVs. Crystal and Michelle and I spent a good chunk of time reflecting on our community. We talked about what was good, what was not so good, and goals that we could set to make the rest of this year even better! As it turns, out, the experience was, admittedly, much more emotional than I had anticipated. In the end, again that sense of gratitude was incredibly pronounced. God truly is here, present in our joys, in our struggles, and especially in the challenge to grow stronger (in relationship with Him and with one another). Michelle pointed out that there is a difference between needing to be together and desiring to be together. That is so true of us (as I rarely go through a work day without being excited to later see them!) and my relationship with God.

In the last few weeks, amidst the journey of beginning Ignatian Spirituality, I have felt first hand, both the desire to be in relationship with God, but the immense challenge that comes with it! It's always sounds easier not to pray. At times I'm so tired, and all I want to do is crawl into a ball on my bed! BUT there is that need and desire to grow with Him. I have experienced already in my prayer, periods of not wanting to take the time. But every time that I do, I am reminded of the grace and beauty that comes from taking time to be in relationship with the one Who created me! :)

Sadiq, a man who works at CCNR with me said that he liked Thanksgiving because it was the only genuine holiday. As a Christian, my immediate response was, "What about Christmas, what about Easter?" But his response was that for other holidays, it is too easy to be commercial. Thanksgiving truly is the only holiday where Christians and non-Christians have no choice but to celebrate in light of the same thing - giving thanks. It is not about gifts...well it is not about presents. It is about the celebration of being together with people that we love and care about, being mindful of and grateful for the gifts that we have received in our lives.



On Wednesday, Michelle, Crys and I took a bus down from NY to Philly. The process was intense and incredibly chaotic. Everyone had somewhere to be, see photo. The buses were delayed, overbooked, and people were hours behind schedule. After not being in the group of people to fit on our 5:40 bus, we were finally allowed onto a bus that pulled away at 7pm. I was thankful just to be on my way! In the line, we were in solidarity with many people that were just waiting to get going. Ahead of us, was a girl that looked like Lizbeth, my favorite girl from the DR. I was reminded of the blessing of experience that my life has been. Crystal was engaged in convo with a guy from Philly. I was thankful to see her shine in the way that she interacts with complete strangers. Michelle, God bless her, I was glad that she didn't get swept away by the masses! At one point we almost lost her!

Arriving in Philly, we were greeted by Sr. Grace and Sr. Mary Lou. How wonderful! :) We went home, picking up McDonald's on the way. We ate McNuggets and Oreos with the sisters. Would you have pegged sisters for this kind of a nighttime snack? They retired, and we just hung out for a while. Our dear Michelle got tired, and Crys and I were left to talk. Without fail, the don't-even-think-about-it topic came up. What are we doing next year? That's a good question, isn't it. None of us are sure of the answer, and whenever, it comes up, one person is curious, and the other's are like, "Really, we have to talk about it now?" It was very comforting to me to talk about the fortune that this year has brought so far. Going back to when we all came to Cabrini, it IS divine providence that has brought us all together. The weekend that I came home from my interview in Philly, Crys found CMC and was ready to get in touch with Gina as soon as she could!



There is something about the three of us, something that is so balanced, so complimentary, just amazing. There is something greater than this, something greater than us, and the discernment in this next year will be where to head next. This is a foundation for something to come, but we do not know what. Crys, whether she likes it or not, is already being prompted by both the Provincial and Superior General about continuing her mission in the Philippines. Mine is less defined as I do not know yet whether I will go to Argentina, Mexico, or continue in a different ministry here. Michelle is currently applying to grad school. On retreat, Gina asked Crys, if we've thought about when we seperate after this year. The beauty of this is that we do not foresee separation. Even if we go to different places, there is something so incredible about this foundation that we are working to create. It is one rooted in love, in faith, in mission, Mother Cabrini, and most importantly, the Lord!:) The Holy Spirit is definitely with us...Mother Cabrini too!! CMC! :)



We are so blessed to be a part of the Cabrinian family and charism, where we are supported both by our sisters as well as Mother Cabrini and her mission. In New York, in Philly, and beyond....we don't know what will be next, but we can be confident that with God and each other, great things are in store! :) Thanks be to God whose power working in us can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine (Eph 3:20).

We are on the bus back home, and my battery is in need of charging, so this is all for now. Thank you all for your prayers, support, and love. This week truly has been one of thanksgiving! :)

Time Flies!!

Time here is just FLYING!!! It has already been 2 weeks since my last update! Last weekend I was able to go to Wickatunk to hang out with some of the GSVers: Luke, Diana, Peter and Sarah. I just went for a night, but it was so great to get out of the city for a day...conveniently on Halloween! Gone are the days when my mother (wonderful as she is) would slave over making our costumes. They were high quality, you know, so we wore them as many years as we could ;) Clown for a few years, then a pumpkin for a few years (loved it!), then Tweety for a few years (maybe that's why my head is getting so big!)! So fun, but at the ripe age of 23, I much preffered the tranquility of being in Wickatunk, NJ, where large groups of deer will just congregate within feet of where their community resides! It was like being 'up north' in Wisconsin! ...don't laugh people do, for certain purposes travel further north than where they already live!!!

Diana and Luke picked me up from the train station and they gave me a tour of the house...they live above 4 contemplative Good Shepherd sisters...I strategically tried to help them figure out what their names were (I really only discovered one). Peter and Sarah came home from working out and we hung out for a bit. Then Luke and I went to dinner in a nearby (as nearby as it gets) town, where we satisfied my week-long craving for a Gyro!! :) We stayed there for a while enjoying good food and great conversation, 2 wonderful blessings! After that we headed back and waited for Diana, Peter and Sarah to get back. They had gone out to eat and watched the Yankees/Phillies.

On Sunday we arrived at 11:25 to what we thought was 11:15 Spanish mass, but it wasn't until 3pm, so we took advantage, thankfully ;), of what was in the town...Target, Panera, Wal-Mart (shamefully). I felt a little foolish. The city is so expensive that I had to take advantage...with the bags I came back with, you would have thought that I was the one that lived in the middle of nowhere (Godisnowhere or Godisnowhere?)! Thanks guys :) It was really great to just be there, to see their community, and to spend a little time relaxing away from the city.

The week of work was shorter, as we left Thursday night to come down to Philly for the weekend. On Friday, we Cabrini Mission Corps missioners hitched a ride from the lovely Sisters Grace and Mary Lou. We dwarves arrived at the cute Gatehouse, at the entrance of Cabrini College, where we stayed with Sr. Christine (aka Snow White).



Friday, MC and I had a wonderful bonding experience of being interviewed by the college's radio station. It was yet another opportunity for us to reprocess what it is that we are here for. SO GOOD!!! Answering questions about CMC, Mother Cabrini, our ministries, call to service, and community with the sisters. Our discernment to in fact apply and become apart of the Cabrinian family was confirmed once again! I really love these girls! It was too fun to be interviewed. I, being too easily amused, was just thrilled to put on the headphones and just hear 'radio' lol The sound is incredible! Crys and Michelle just owned it!! Crys was like a natural with the microphone, and Michelle just had a beautiful way of articulating her responses so thoughtfully. I was scared of the mic and like hyperventilating!!! haha By the end, I was more comfortable, and it was really amazing to be gifted in sharing that experience!

We spent a few hours on campus at an info table for the Mission Corps. Only one seemed really interested....I guess Mother C is already working on her! It was good to spend time on campus and we were able to go to the concluding parts of the workshop on campus for students in the area discerning post-graduate service. We shared our discernment stories....again :) lol and were present for the prayer as well. Present at this workshop, were all of the other programs that I had considered last year. I think in meeting these wonderful people, I was confirmed, once again in my answer to the Cabrini charism!! LOVE HER!!! :)

We came back to the cottage with our directress, Gina, to have conversation with her and Sr. Christine. The girls and I went to bed on the earlier side. For breakfast, Michelled whipped up some amazing omlettes!! I needed to be up because...SARAH came Sat. morning!!! Gina took me in the AM to pick her up which was...a process. They dropped the girl off at this departure terminal that was super tiny, and she had no clue where she was...luckily our fearful directress knew where she was, so she ran to find her while I sat in the car...good sis, huh?? It was SO GREAT to see Sarah. Girl looks like a whole different person!!



Gina dropped us off in central city Philly, where we walked around, looked at the Liberty bell and other fun places. We enjoyed lunch and conversation nowhere other than...Chinatown. You put to Chinese-Polish girls in central city Philly, and they eat in Chinatown...don't judge!! It was so good! :) We spent a little more time walking around the city. We went to a Christian store where I knocked over EVERYTHING I could!!!! haha Sarah just kept laughing at me :( After that we took the train back to Radnor and enjoyed dinner with the rest of the crew (G+MC).

Sunday, we had more yummy omlettes and hung out before going to the Enneagram Workshop led by Sr. Barbara Leonardo! :) SO great!!!! We all knew exactly which person we were..well, Mich was a little unsure but we worked it out, and it is so fitting that the three of us have personalities that are drawn to one another... It explains so well how we got this to-good-to-be-true trio! You have to come see this! I will explain more later, but it is so great to identify our personalities in a way that will helps us be able to better strengthen ourselves and an oh-so-wonderful community! :)

Sarah and I have a tour of the college tomorrow, meet with admissions, and then we're headed up to the city!!!

HAPPY SUNDAY!!! :)

WOW....Not World of Warcraft!

Well folks, prepared to be amazed! This is actually a current entry written directly onto the webpage!! :) I will still add a little about the assembly, BUT you need to know my status!

Today I worked from 9-7 on a few hours of sleep. I came home, and knowing that I had missed dinner and prayer, I planned to eat and head up to pray...BUT I had one of the best conversations with Sr. Sharon (and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I keep having the BEST conversations!).

In this 'vida missionera,' a journey and a blog that was meant to last only a year, I am continually graced by the understanding that I am here for a reason. This is me. This is where I am supposed to be now!

You will hear more about how the assembly confirmed my discernment to be here, but everytime I have one of these "BEST coversation ever" deals, I just feel the Holy Spirit! It comes gently and leaves in an excited whirlwind! :)

It's funny because I never thought that I would want to re-process my life story again...and as I looki back, I'm not entirely sure what brought it about. Oh, Sharon mentioned my maturity (don't laugh) and wisdom (don't). I explained that I really had been shaped by my past. I began to expand a little on the glimpse of my sitch that I shared with her yesterday, but it just came out! ...bless her soul for listening! From my family, to searching even as I applied, to my time interviewing in Philly, to orientation, and to date!

I have not felt such a sense of peace, gratitude, meaning and purpose in, ...well not to make this about records, but my whole life. I mean...ME, why ME? He chose ME!?!?! It brings tears to my eyes and joy, absolute joy to my heart! ME! He just keeps doing that!

I can just revel in awe at my own existence and the presence of God's care and plan in my life! Thank GOD...literally! It's so beyond me, but that is the point! Ephesians...Thanks be to Him, whose power at work within us can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine!!! WOW! (but don't forget Prov. 3:5-8 either)

Tambien...I think that I was also reminded this evening of how strong my love, care and concern are for my family. From the outside it looks like I left. Which, physically, I did. BUT if you could see and understand the way that life just comes together...WOW! I am so blessed to have them and so hopeful for our future as faithfilled people! :) That can be extended to my immediate family as well as my family of faith...you know who you are! Let's do this!!!

I was just talking to Crystal last night about how they call this thing "Cabrini Mission Corps," which is totally code for like Circles of Discernment! The way that I have been encouraged to process and discern has opened my eyes to what has happened (oh snap, Bartemaus got healed on Sunday too!) in my life, and makes me so eager to see what lies ahead! I come to this city...yes, city! Who thought I would be in a city!? lol My dear friend once told me that no matter how 'developing' my area abroad would be that he would come find me, even if meant that he had to verbally get directions from one rock to the next! That's what I thought too, and here I am...that's how He works! (long tangent) I'm in the city, with a great community that is helping me to grow in so many ways, both with the sisters and the CM of MCM. Led into spritual direction, into ministry, then to the assembly, AND He brings more angels to our community from overseas (Swaziland, Australia, Brazil, Spain, ....) to give great insight and nuggets of wisdom...I mean really, what a set up! You just have to work for free ;)



I wish my eyes were not so tired! ha I'm going to pray before I get too sleepy (no comments), but ....WOW, you need to get over here and just see how this all works!

Washington, October 13

Today for the first time I was faced with the realities of the immigration issues in the US. As Cabrini staff, and 8 clients, we went to Washington DC to rally for Comprehensive Immigration Reform. Is there a need for change? YES!

BUT surprised by:
“Hondurenos unidos….”
Mexican flag
Si se puede
Obama, escucha, estamos en la lucha
No somos uno, no somos diez, somos millones escuchenos bien.

Today at the rally for reform, about 3,000 people were in attendance from 26 different states. People came from all areas, ethnicities, statuses. I was very intrigued as I learned more about the fight for comprehensive reform, and the initiative of Luis Gutierrez (IL) supported by Nitia Velasquez (NY). I was confused to hear as people listened intently and we were told that what we as people need to do is to unite for immigration reform. I get that. But I struggle with that understanding when the rally was mostly in Spanish…what about everyone else? Maybe we should be protesting in English? The country’s language is English, and if people want to be heard, they should at least learn their chants in English. It doesn’t do any good to tell someone to 'escucha' if they don’t entender what a person is saying, right? ...that is 'listen' for all of you non-Spanish speakers. I understand the principle, but the reality is that there are many immigrants of different origins…

I struggle internally with questions about undocumented people. I do think that something needs to be done to deal with all of the 12 million people that are here, but what do we do after? We can’t just let everyone in to gain papers within 5 years. All of the people that are on the path legal residency are people that were either allowed to come here, or were experiencing hardship… How much do we owe to people that didn’t follow the rules to get here? Every country has a process to enter. We go through the process in other countries, but what right does a person have that just wanted to come? This is a legal issue, not one of value, as many of our clients already have a special place in my heart.

I have argued, as have many, the idea that this country was made of immigrants from numerous countries around the world, BUT if we consider the times, the land was mostly unpopulated and undeveloped. We are no longer in that time. I hear the plea for a better life…BUT if this life truly is ‘better,' realistically, everyone will NOT fit here. What do we do? As I sat listening, I was thinking about the idea that if we actually helped to improve the conditions of other countries, then maybe people would be content where they are? Who knows….

After we marched to the Capitol, we were engaged by many testimonies as well as elected officials. In the beginning we could not here very well, more that 50 ft away from the stage. Tired of not being able to hear, dude just started playing music on his guitar, WHAT?! You come to DC, March to the Capital, wait to listen to what they have to say, but instead of trying harder to hear, you begin your own show, WHAT?! Sorry to vent, but I was frustrated because I could hear, faintly, what was being said, but not over a guitar! Respect? All I could think was that if he people spoke English, I would have asked him what he was were doing. They come here and at a time to listen about potential change in their favor, they’re performing?! WHAT?! So then, is it my job, as a native born, Chinese-Polish American to speak Spanish to someone to ask him to have respect? Finally I just left the group and went closer, and could hear the very touching and difficult testimonies that were less typical than I would have imagined.


It was good to hear Nitia Velasquez and Luis Gutierrez talk about their positions on Immigration Reform…especially as we are hoping that the bill will soon be proposed. The day was, afterall, a success. Something had to happen, and I do genuinely hope that they rally stressed, more than the need for support, the urgency of proposing and passing reform!

Salsa?, the 6 train, bachata, and rain...Sept. 26

It’s technically 2:30am on Sunday, so HAPPY SUNDAY! :) The Mary you know would be coming home from Saturday Salsa at the Wherehouse. The Mary that is in NY is eating cinnamon raisin bread and drinking orange juice, ready to tell a little about how today went…

Real housewives?
The day started with Crys and me going to volunteer at an artsy block party! Crystal's friend Jess works at The Kitchen which has an art gallery, studio, and theater hosting artists and performers of all kinds. This block party…which was free (accept for food and t-shirts), was so fun! They had DJs, bands, dancers, and all of the booths were a project based twist on each artist’s type of work. Flower arranging, drum circle, double dutch with braids, paper sculpture, jewelry making, tattoos, they had it all! Crystal and I worked a cookie booth, “Edible Easels,” that was quote “mad tight.” The kids and adults loved it! How fun to decorate cookies, and you get to eat them! YUMMM! The parents and kids were so cute! I loved watching them work together to create a tasty masterpiece…except for the ‘real house wife.’

It ended well, and tasted so great! :) That required a nap…for me anyways ;)

That evening, at about 10pm, I decided that my life in New York didn’t have enough adventure, or ….Salsa :) So I decided to find it! It was more a matter of research. Looking online, all I had seen were really mainstream places to dance, but I just want somewhere small to go and practice my salsa so that it doesn’t get worse than it is! Dressed for the weather (sweatshirt, vest, jeans, umbrella), you could tell I was out for a night on the town, haha.

I left at like 10:45 or 11pm to get on the 6. When I went down to wait for the train, I was unsure of the wait ahead, so I walked to sit on a bench where a man was sitting alone. In NY, there are benches with 5 divided seats which people generally fill with 3 people, every other seat, so as to not be too close to one another. As I was walking toward the bench, a woman took the seat on the opposite end. I, as the third to sit on the 5-person bench, got the middle seat! Sitting between the woman and the man that was sleeping, I sat down, and took a deep breath. As I looked up, and to the right, I realized that the man was drowsily trying to hold up a sign written on tattered cardboard that read “help,” in blue ball-point pen….that’s why nobody was sitting on that bench. Why did I?

There is something incredibly revelatory to me about a person’s need to write “help” on a sign. I may be slightly presumptuous, but a person who has to write it, probably got tired of saying without being heard. A sign is the least intrusive way, in a busy culture that ‘doesn’t sleep,’ for a person in need to reach out. This man was sleeping. He looked incredibly exhausted, and as he began to nod off, the sign would come down, and then he would sit up again. The sign would be raised, people would look, and then they carried on. I was sitting right next to him. What came to mind were the dozens of faces I have passed on the streets of New York that said, “help.”

I could not ignore him.

So, the train was coming, I could hear it. I decided that as the train came, I would ask him what he needed help with. If the situation were unsafe, I could get on the train. If he legit. needed something, I would be there to listen…

As the train came, loudly and with large gusts of wind, the man was disturbed and began to shout out. In my mind, I had decided to get on the 6 and head out. But then the man stopped. Then the train stopped and he looked me in the eye.

“What do you need help with?”
“I need money to get something to eat. I didn’t eat all day, and I am hungry.”
“All I have is two dollars.”
“Anything will help. With two dollars, and I can get an egg sandwich or something,”

An egg sandwich. I eat enough here. I eat more than enough here, and all he wants is an egg sandwich. I can handle that. But he was not off the hook. The 6 left, and I was still sitting on the bench. I asked him what he had in his hand.

“The Book of Abraham.”
“May I see it.” I flipped through the pages.
“The English is in the back.”
“What part do you read?”
“The English.”

As I read, it seemed to be an overview. I scanned the pages and saw that he underlined only one word, Judgment.

*Through scanning the section on judgment, we are able to free ourselves from the judgment of others, at the same time we are freed from our own judgmental tendencies.

“Why did you underline this?”

He seemed surprised by many things. I didn’t take the train that I had been waiting for. I didn’t ignore him. I gave him my only two dollars. I asked to see his book. I asked him why that phrase was important to him. And I didn’t take the second 6 train.

He explained to me his view on how other people judge. At times I agreed, and at times I didn’t, but at no point did what he say conflict with what I believe. He began to pass through topics like unplanned pregnancy, not being prepared for children, people in NYC not caring. He talked about growing up in Brooklyn, and said that he should leave, that he was too old to put up with it anymore. After finding out that I was from Wisconsin, he was quick to decide that that would be his next destination, presuming that in Milwaukee, everyone was friendly and neighborly. In some parts, yes, that is true, but people make choices everywhere to do or act a certain way.

Another 6 train came. As the rattling on the tracks began closer and louder, we would break from our conversation, only to resume once the train left again. Each time a train came and the people on the cart in front looked at us in curiosity. You might know, better than I, what questions were going through their heads. Whatev. The train left and we continued.

“What is your name?”
“Michael.”
“My dad’s name is Michael G“
“What is his second name?
“Michael Gabriel, what is yours?”
….
….
“Tomorrow is Sunday, I need to go to church.”
“What church do you go to?”
“It’s in Harlem, Ebenezer Baptist Church. You’ve never been there?”

He closed his eyes. I ‘helped’ him and in return, he gave me the little bit of company that I needed on a Saturday night. His eyes were so red, I could tell that he was worn out. I decided that was all our conversation was to be. A million questions went through my mind. What was it like growing up in Brooklyn? Where did you go to school? When did you stop? What kind of work have you done? Tell me more about people's judging. Why are your feelings so strong about people unprepared to have children? What things do you enjoy doing? What is your favorite food? Let’s go eat! Do you go to church alone? What is your community like? Have you always gone to Baptist church? Where did you get the Book of Abraham?.....

His eyes were still closed, and as the noise of the 4th 6 train approached, my questions got lost in the noise. I tapped him.

“Michael, my name is Mary. It was really nice to meet you. I hope that you have a good Sunday tomorrow, especially at church. I am going to church as well, and I’ll be sure to think of you.”

After that, I had experienced enough to head home. But don't forget, I was looking for salsa! I quick hopped on the 6 and waved goodbye to my new acquaintance. We are trying to become regular, right?

I took the 6 to Bleecker St.….I was looking for somewhere on Broadway and Houston. Got off. As is per usual, upon coming to the surface, I headed, in the rain, in the exact opposite direction of where I wanted to go. Lafayette, Mott, Bowery…? Nope, other way.

I found Broadway and decided to investigate north and saw flashing lights…that’s got to be salsa, and it was. I changed sides of the street only to see what I could as I passed by. I wasn’t really dressed to be out, and there were a lot of people outside…so I didn’t stare in lol. That was enough and conveniently I realized that I had killed two birds with one stone. The place that was recommended to me on that intersection happened to also be the name of a restaurant that another person at Sunset Salsa had suggested to me during the week…getting familiar. That was salsa. I also wanted bachata and merengue.

Bachata and merengue are Domincan…so I walked to where Dominicans live on the LES. I walked east on Houston for a while, intrigued by the night scene in NY. It was raining and cold. Girls definitely were not wearing enough to be warm, and the guys noticed for sure. I chuckled. They noticed, ha. I kept walking and I heard salsa on like 1st or 2ndAve. I waited on the corner and listened. Again, I was avoiding the staring in thing and I was alone, so I stood outside and listened. It was definitely salsa and cha cha, but I wasn’t moved. People came in and out. Spanish and English speakers, but no body seemed like they had been dancing. Finally someone same out and said, “The band like took up the whole bar.” Oh…its just to create a mood? I looked in and sure enough, there were like 4 people dancing, and the rest of floor space was a few-person band...

I continued on Houston until the streets started sounding familiar for the Dominican neighborhood. I figured that if I wandered long enough, I was sure to find what I was looking for. Sr. Dianne said that the area was Dominican, and when we went to church the Saturday before, I did here bachata and merengue in some of the ‘colmado’ type stores. Heading south, it was a little dark…there were rats. That wasn’t as big of a deal as the fact that I did not know what I was really looking for. I passed by small salsa, like 4 people dancing. I passed bachata, like 10 guys in a restaurant. I passed something that looked like a club, too dark to tell, one guy standing outside smoking. Ran into Pitt, and walked up to the church….nothing else.

So I backtracked to the ‘club smoker.’ “Do you know where there is somewhere to dance around here?” Not familiar. Bachata guy smoking outside restaurant said, “This is the best that there is.”…kind of figured he was going to say that. We talked for a while, and he could tell that I was having a hard time standing outside while the bachata was inside, so he convinced me to go in. I went in. As is per usual, got a couple dirty latina looks, and proceeded to try bachata. I LOVE IT!!! But they were all watching, and clearly, this is not my stuff, so after one, I sheepishly scurried to the door, grabbed my umbrella, waved goodbye and prepared to head home. I couldn’t leave the bachata. Before I knew it, there were like 3 guys outside…they could tell that I didn’t want to go and were asking me to come back. They were not at all threatening, but it was coming on 1:30, and I did say that I would be home by 2 from my adventure, so I finally left. Unsure if I wanted to be in contact with my one-time dance partner, I did not give him my number, but did take his, we’ll see…

Trains home, back safely. I found some salsa, a potential location for bachata/merengue plus another recommendation, a conversation with a kind man…that was enough for my Saturday! Happy SUNDAY! :)

Columbus Community...Are you willing to be disturbed? YES!

One thing that our Superior General of the MSCs (Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart) told us was – we need to be willing to be disturbed, to reach outside our comfort zone. I’m becoming increasingly aware of the fact that if I don’t bring you all up to date soon, I’m going to be talking about the past for a long time!

One thing that many people know is that I struggled greatly in the beginning with the challenge of community. The blessing, coming to live at the convent, with a currently existing community, is that Crystal, Michelle and I had an unbelievable (really, you have to see this) foundation. Not having each other would have definitely hindered the transition process.

Complications that I had adjusting to the community can, looking back be summed up in the understanding that when we moved in, all of the community members were not at the house. For a day or two, I became comfortable with, what I thought, was the dynamic of the community. Once everyone was here, I was a little shook up because the dynamic wasn’t as clearly understood as I thought. The transition process to the community has come though understanding, at least generally, everyone’s personalities and tendencies. These are personal tendencies/habits, as well as how certain individuals in the community react to one another. I can say that today, six and a half weeks later, I really do love the community. The community in itself is a blessing, and the dynamics are constantly changing as we are a 'house of hospitality' inviting guests from all over…

The Structure….
We live in a 4-floor building. On the first floor we have a kitchen, dining room, chapel, office, and sitting room. On the second floor we have a living/community room and a computer room as well as three sisters residence. On the third floor Crystal and I live with two of the sisters, and Michelle is on 4 with one more sister. The missioners are in rooms that are connected by a bathroom, while the sisters occupy both sides, one side for sleeping, and one for and office, etc.

The other structure...
Everyday, we all eat breakfast and leave to do our own thing and return to community. In the evening we have dinner together at 5:30pm, followed by dishes/clean-up and prayer. Then we scatter again. Community is like living in a family. We try to eat together every day, but the reality is that many of are often busy. I love when we’re all home for dinner and prayer! I also enjoy when we do things together outside of the convent. It was nice when we first moved in because, since we hadn’t started work, I was able to go to church with Sr. Alberta (we’ve also gone to a movie and out to lunch with her), go to CCNR with Sr. Angie, and we went to a performance of a one-man play and to Cabrini Home in Dobbs Ferry with Sr. Dianne and Angie. We’re going bowling next week at the “Bowling for Cabrini” event!

The girls…
Sr. Angie cracks me up. She was one of our orphans in Philly. She is incredible thoughtful and genuine. This girl runs around all day, almost always traveling by foot. I have walked around with her and secretly she made me tired! She is part of our main comic relief as she often just shrugs her shoulders. She’s kind of sassy when she talks and I love it…too funny. She is very generous and always considerate. Whenever she says something smart to me, it makes me want to throw my arms around her! Ask her if she likes it and she'll be like, like it? ...love her!!

Sr. Archangel, aka ‘the Mayor.’ I told someone that her nickname was ‘the Mayor.’ Their response – “Archangel isn’t a big enough name, she needs the Mayor too?!” Yes. Common phrases are “Oh giiirrrlllss,” “Big deal,” and “Hello, Darling.” She said that she can’t remember everyone’s name, so she just calls them Darling. Archangel is quick to give you a compliment, but she’ll always contradict it with something else. “You didn’t think that I was going to let your head blow up like a balloon, did you?” haha Love her!

Sr. Alberta is a sweet person with the very best of intentions. She usually is at home, but very frequently attends mass around the corner. She also leaves to run errands close to home and to go to prayer services. When at Columbus, she has ELS students that come Mon-Thursday for a couple hours a day. Her sessions are always one-on-one. After Crystal, she is my closest neighbor, so I see her a lot. This girl calls me “Maria,” which I love…and sometimes Marie. She is very thankful and observant when it comes to recognizing the gifts of individual people. She'll be moving in December, after Christmas.

Sr. Pat works with me at Cabrini Center for Nursing and Rehab (CCNR). There she helps coordinate the masses, and also does one-on-one pastoral visits with the residents/patients. She is very straightforward, and a great worker. She is definitely a doer, and is one of the most thoughtful people that I have ever met. She has such a beautiful heart, and I am very grateful to have had time in community with her. She never seeks any recognition for her good deeds, and consequently, I think that she can be under appreciated! She is done working at CCNR at the end of this month, and she will be leaving at the end of December also, as she is being transferred to Colorado :(

Sr. Consolata is a gem. I LOVE her little Italian kisses! She has a very quiet presence, and has been quoted a saying that “Living in this community will bring you to sanctity.” We’ll see ;) She too, is leaving. When we moved in August, she was at the Senior Residence in Philly. When she left here, she didn’t move out because Philly was temporary. Once she is ready, she will be moving into Sacred Heart Convent with all of the other sisters that have just moved up from Philly. Many of you know about that transition as well. Consolata is too sweet. Every day when I see her she gives me about five kisses on the cheek. She will get you with her cute little smile. Her Italian accent also is a little infectious!

Sr. Dianne is incredible. She is our point person for the community. If we have questions or concerns we go to her. Likewise, members of the community can go to her if they have questions or concerns related to us. She is such a peaceful and present woman. She is incredibly well educated…when talking about higher education she has masters, plural! She has an amazing gift and sensitivity to people with any disability, handicap, disease. That is how she was raised, and that is how she lives out her ministry. She had many passions, deafness, dementia, Spanish, to name a few. I think that’s why I relate well to her :)

There will be much more to come, but this is more or less the skeleton of our community’s composition!

I am loved, so are you!

I know this is a ways back, but it is an experience that you need to know about!

The night before we finished orientation, we shared our commitment statements heading into a year of ministry. As we prepared to share with one another our hopes and goals for the year, we sang the Summons. I leaned over and told Justin, ‘This one’s a tear jerker.” Surprisingly, I was well composed as we sang:

"Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown?
Will you let my name be known,will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?"

"And in the end we answered …
Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me."

As the song finished, we walked up one by one to share what we were committing to this year. Enveloped in the presence, I almost forgot to go. Realizing that there were a mere few left, I got up to read mine.

“I begin my ministry with CMC with an openness to the Spirit, trusting in God. I will remain open to the needs of others as well as my own, actively striving to be in ‘right relationship” with all whom I encounter.

I want to embrace my community including Crystal, Michelle, and Sr. Dianne, as well as the other sisters. I will try to be honest, respectful and vulnerable in hopes of having an experience of great joy, growth, support, and challenge.

I will work toward simplicity in my life, removing all that creates distance between God and myself as well as with others in my relationships. I want read and feed on God’s Word. I will seek God prayerfully in all things, searching for ways to grow and change so that I, too, may see myself as God’s beloved.

If the question is, “May I have this dance?” my answer is, “Yes.” I want to relax and follow the Leader. I am confident that God wants me. In accepting that I need to let go of what I know and take God’s hand – take it with gratitude and dance with compassion.

I have a passion for the love and service of the Lord. He has awakened my heart. I will do the best I can to recognize that I am loved and share that love, even if it is not accepted. There is an infinite supply of love and I want my ministry to be to dispense it.”

Reading was a little diffifult, as I felt incredibly vulnerable to my community and to the Spirit. I sat down again next to Justin and took a deep breath. When I looked up, my gaze fixed on the crucifix on the wall behind the altar. It was so painful to look at, yet I couldn’t turn away from Christ on the cross. There He was looking directly at me. I know, right? ME!

At my home parish, we have a risen Christ on the cross, so I am rarely confronted with our dying Lord. Finally, I was able to look away, but only for a moment. My eyes once again were fixed on Jesus. He was looking at me and all I could here was “This is how much I love you. This is why my love is unconditional and never-ending.” The tears were rolling down my cheeks as I, for the first time in my life, truly appreciated the sacrificial grace. I have never been more moved or felt more gratitude. Thank God, I am loved.

Justin looked at me and he was like, “Is it the song?” Well, actually it wasn’t. I tried to explain but it was hard. Leaving to go to dinner it was difficult to transition from such a powerful experience. I shared it with Gina after dinner and later with Crystal and Michelle. Until now, I had only told my mother and Julie. It was a beautiful realization of the love and grace of God that I had come to know and understand throughout the course of the orientation time.

Mount Manresa, Staten Island - Getting Ready

Certain missioner characteristics were defined as we drove to Staten Island from Philly. Crystal and Gina talked the whole way, listening to music. Michelle and I engaged in a very worthwhile pastime……. Napping! It was enjoyable :) We were all startled by the sound of getting a flat….and each of us thought that the sound came from our part of the car, haha… Pulling over, and getting out to look, we realized that there wasn’t one at all, great! We finished the drive, everyone awake, listening to the GSV/CMC orientation music, highlighting such tunes as “We’re all in this Together.” How true! :)

Arriving at Mount Manresa, another characteristic of some of our members, myself included, was revealed. We were late. Every GSV volunteer present, Cabrini had to make an entrance….of course! We got our rooms and went to meet all the GSVers. Enroute, I met Amy! So great! :) Continued by so many more! That night at dinner, we met Peter and Luke…both members of the “Tunk” community in Wickatunk, NJ. The rest of the volunteers, accept for the 4 wonderful girls in LA, will also be in the NYC this year! It was so great to collaborate with them! Dinner was great, and we did some meet-and-greet activities that closed with prayer, a reflection involving everyone sharing one word that described our heart: open, excited, awakened,…

I went to my room, which conveniently located on a corner, had two windows. Key for ventilation, these windows in conjunction with my fan made the room….bearable. Having two beds, I readily invited Crystal to my room. She so graciously offered, in exchange, that if she began to snore, I could go to her room….thanks lol ;) "If you're already up, why would I move." haha Michelle came to visit, and our missioner brains combined, we realized that a mattress would fit between my two beds. We’re pretty strong, of course, so we made it happen. The CMCs, more popularly known as, or we just like to refer to ourselves as, MCM resided together in Room 92. The week was off to a perfect start! Collaboration with 17 Good Shepherd Volunteers, a room for 3, great directors…wonderful!

Our retreat focused on the principle of the article from Solitude to Ministry by Henri Nowen. The idea is that rather than doing powerful ministry, sharing with our community, and then finding time for ourselves, we are instead to nurture our spirituality, then contribute to community, and go out to serve. Again, a perfect way to start out the year. Nothing could be more directly related to what this next year as a missioner should be...or needed to be, for me!

Good Shepherd focuses on 4 tenants: spirituality, community, simplicity, and justice. These in conjunction with our Cabrinian call to the charism sum up what I am doing here! As we touched on and explored these areas, I found my own understanding to become much clearer. Part of the understanding was inspired by our Cabrini Time in Philly, but the collaboration solidified it.

Spirituality
For me, my spiritual need was to understand that I am Beloved by God. I came to the realization that my whole life, God has been calling me to be in relationship with Him, but I was too caught up in trying to do the right thing or be the right person, thinking that in the end, I would figure it all out! Ha! What?! Over the summer He got me with Prov. 3:5-8 …but of course, that wasn’t enough!

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, how I prayed or didn’t pray. God loves me! Don't get worried...and you too :) Any way that I try to be pleasing to Him is pleasing by nature of effort. That’s great! I don’t hold God up…so He’s not relying on me to get it right. He holds me up. All I can do is offer Him the praise and thanksgiving He deserves and talk with him about what is going on in my life (He has to love that!! hehe). Also crucial, is the call to explore and become more familiar with His Word. I cannot speak a language that I do not study! WONDERFUL!!...that is just spirituality!

Simplicity
We reflected on this as a community: Michelle, Sr. Dianne, Crystal, and myself. Crystal broke it down. You just have to “be who you are.” In the large group, Luke quoted that we need to “Aspire not to have more, but to be more." And Priscilla shared that we cannot judge one another's simplicity because we are all on different levels. I saw it as a de-cluttering. The need to eliminate all that gets between myself and God…ALL the EXTRA! It just clouds everything when you’re trying to get a clearer picture. I got to thinking that my physical state of being cluttered was nothing more than the embodiment of my lack of simplicity….great! :( The good news is that I realized that …the bad news: I need to work on it!

Justice
Wouldn’t you like to know what all 17 of us had to say about this?! Sorry, I cannot remember them all! :( To me it is all of our God given rights being satisfied. This includes humans, animals, all of creation. Michelle quoted (forgetting the name), “Equality is not equal treatment.” This is so true! Everyone’s needs are different! Greater need requires a greater response. Crystal brought up someone needing glasses as an example. If one kid gets glasses to improve their vision, does that mean glasses for all? Even those that don’t need them? Hmmmm Think about that!

Also, Sr. Judy! Oh, so great! She said that it is being in ‘right relationship.’ I could spend my whole life in desire of this beautiful concept….and then, we’ll see it in eternity! But for now, let’s live to see that nobody has what another person needs. That doesn’t necessarily imply that everyone needs to give, give, give…but for now, unless everyone has, I think it does! That includes me. Nobody can be off the hook with the ‘right relationship’ theory, or it will not work!

Community
Funny that before I got to Manhattan I kept stressing a quote from Nowen’s article. “Community is where the person you least like to live with lives. For somebody else, you might be that person.” HELLO! In every community, you need to be accepting of two things: 1) Community will almost inevitably involve a ‘challenge’…only one if you’re lucky! 2) You need to be vulnerable to the idea that for somebody else, you may be the challenge of community!....That’s humbling! This is something that I need to be mindful of ALWAYS!

Charism –
During our time at Manresa, we had a chance to appreciate what our call to the charism and Mother Cabrini’s story has meant to us. After learning about St. Mary Euphrasia, the foundress of the Sisters of the Good Shepherd, someone had to teach about the life of Mother C, right? Well, upon the unfortunate illness of our dear Sr. Grace who was to give this account, we (MCM) had the opportunity to do it. Michelle, Crystal and I each were able to share with a group of GSVers our account of Mother Cabrini’s life, vocation and ministry. My only hope is that my account portrayed as much her passion, faith, and love for the Sacred Heart of Jesus’ as that of Michelle and Crystal.

In the beginning, I was nervous, but as I continued to talk about Frances Xavier Cabrini, I realized that I knew her better than I thought. Thanks to the application process itself, Gina, Sr. Grace, the sisters, Mary Lou (teaching us about her life) and Nancy (helping us to understand the Stella Maris Province), we had come to know and understand Mother C well. The more we learn about her, the more what we are doing here makes sense! Her faith and dedication to the will of the Lord….WOW! It was so great to express that with other people.

"I can almost see it…"
The week came together very well. The speakers that we had, ranging from the different ministries provided by our orders, to panels, to the drum circle with Jesse, helped to tie together all of the concepts that we focused on throughout the week. But an account of Manresa would not and could not be complete without the finale. This was the culmination of it all. Believe it or not…and my tendency would also be towards not, our three-person suite was not only the CMC center for rest and relaxation, it was also a practice stage for what would be a talent show presentation, “Open to Interpretation.” Yes, I, Mary Meleski, as a member of community, participated in the end-of-the-week talent show performing an interpretive dance to “The Climb,” by Miley Cyrus. That's right, The Climb. And yes, Miley Cyrus. This is truth. There is video footage! I really love these girls…can you tell?!

Wait, how did I get here? The Charism + Disponibilitá

I still remember the very first time that I talked to our director, Gina. It was an afternoon the very first week of January.

A week prior, I was sitting in Qdoba, a place that I never eat, because it had wireless. I was comparing my search of 09 to my search of 08. Both times I looked at the CNVS website to look at potential programs. I was curious if any of the programs I had found last year did NOT come up this year. The only one was Cabrini Mission Corps. Good Shepherd, JVC among others were also marked, but Cabrini was the only difference. Curious, I was led to the site of the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart, and immediately I was drawn in. Drawn to Mother Cabrini’s story, to her ministry, to the charism. Excited, I quickly filled out the preliminary application online. Figuring (or hoping) that I would soon contact the other programs, I went home.

Before I reached out to any one else, Gina called me. This was not, yet, the January afternoon! She left me a voicemail telling me who she was and that she wanted to talk to me. Crap! I hadn’t even begun looking at anyone else yet! “I’ll look around before I call her back.” The next week, Jules was in town, and we were at lunch when I received yet another call from the lovely CMC director. “Hi Mary, this is Gina trying to get a hold of you again. Just wanted to…” Crap! I still didn’t look into the other programs more. I went home and told Julie I was sorry, but I really needed to call Gina back. Even though I had not contacted anyone else yet, I could not put off returning the call...this was that January afternoon.

An hour later, I ran up to talk to Julie. So great!!! A program that would send me to a Spanish-speaking country, that is focused on spirituality, and relies on mutual discernment! No way!! She told me to look more into Mother C and the Missionary Sisters and to get back to her.

So began the application process. There is nothing simple about that word, process. Curious and very interested, I began to apply. Scared from GSV app (props to those who filled that one out ;), and only really feeling called to Cabrini I started what turned out to be a long and much needed reflection on my own life. Through that application, all that became clearer was that there was yet a LOT of work on my life to be done! Filling the pages with honesty and who I am, I finished… months later. Embarrassed that it had taken so long, I finally sent in an application that I was, in a way, proud of. “This is me,” or at least who I was so far. And I sent it off to be joined with my long-waiting references.

Gina talked to Pietrina (the MSC Provincial), which, after appreciating the rhyme, I learned would become the essence of “disponibilitá.” Gina e-mailed me with interesting news. “Peitrina is willing to send you abroad, but she would like you to do some domestic service first.” No prob. A few months is awesome, I can do it at the end of the summer, let’s get it going! Gina talked to Peitrina again. “She is asking that you do 10 mos. I know that you really want to go abroad, and I would be more than happy to forward your information to another program.” What?!?! Another program?! What if I don’t want another one?

I called Gina and surprised both her, as well as myself, with the news that I would be happy to spend 10 mos. of domestic service wherever needed. This was my first acceptance of that beautiful word, DISPONIBILITÁ. Do not forget it. It will not go away, haha.

Going to Philadelphia for my interview was one of the most confirming experiences of my life. I was on fire….with the Holy Spirit! Gina even asked me to go to the city, and I was so pumped. I came home to share with everyone that, after a year of working on my loans, my life had a new direction...or I was continuing to go in the direction that I thought I was supposed to :)

It was only, in attempt, thwarted by the request that I apply to teach my dream job at Holy Family School teaching K-8 Spanish. I applied for that job, but after sending in my license and resume, I struggled to do the cover letter. That is when you get the chance to sell yourself on the job. I could convince them that I would be a good teacher, but I couldn’t convince myself that teaching in Green Bay, living alone was what I wanted or needed, even if I LOVED those kids. I especially couldn’t convince myself that it was what God wanted or needed. Would I be good at the job? Probs…but that’s not what it’s about. It’s about making decisions that are life-giving for myself and for others.

Talking to Gina during the process she said two things that made up my mind in favor of Cabrini. She told me that it wouldn’t hurt to go through the interview process. Upon that suggestion, I found myself trying to convince her that it wasn’t a good idea. Obviously that was the answer - shouldn’t do it. And then the only thing that she said to me in favor of Cabrini was, “There are really great girls that you’d be in community with.” My long time apprehension and skepticism of yet another community were diminished when she said that. And look at the two captivating, faithful, mature and FUN ladies that I have been missioned with!

Looking back, it seems so obvious that this is where I would end up. I guess that’s how God is :) Here I am in the city living life on the polar opposite side of where I thought I would be this year! :) Disponibilitá…

Cabrini Time!

We spent that Wed. I arrived through our commissioning mass on Saturday morning in Philadelphia. The time there was revelatory in two ways. In my own effort to express who I am with the other women who would be in my community, I found myself coming to understand many of the ways that God has been working on my heart throughout my life. I think that my faith carried me a lot of the way, but the connection to God and understanding of the heart was missing. I truly believe that it was only in the months before I came to Philly that God was beginning to reveal Himself to me.

I learned that even as I was doing my Cabrini Mission Corps application, that I was struggling because I was still searching for some of the answers. Thankfully, “God is always on time.” My application came together just in time, that I might have the chance to be united in community with Crystal and Michelle, living in community with Sr. Dianne and the other sisters.

I also saw how incredibly lovely Crystal and Michelle are. Two incredible women of the Lord! Too great! During our time in Philly, we had a chance to pray over our journey to Cabrini. After doing so, we took turns explaining how our life led us to choose Cabrini Mission Corps. As I listened to Michelle, shared my own story, and listened to Crystal tell hers, I felt waves of grace and peace come over our experience. To see our similarities and our differences, our strengths and struggles, it became evident that this experience is one that God wants us to have and, more importantly, to share with one another.

Mother Cabrini’s disponibilitá, or openness to the Spirit is alive today in our modern ‘flexibilitá.’ We have all come together guided down paths that could have only been divinely inspired. These paths were not easy. They involved hardship and loss. Fortunately they also involved joy, peace, and understanding. No matter the journey, our paths have met, and we are commissioned to spend this year united in being bearers of the love of Christ in the world. We are confident in doing so because through Him, we can do all things (Phil 4:13-Mother Cabrini's fave).

We spent a lot of time together in prayer, socializing, eating, laughing, singing (Mary Fest, ask for more details!), and reflecting.

Our time together in Philadelphia was very life-giving. Through prayer we began our spiritual community. Through learning we developed an understanding of the life and mission of Frances Xavier Cabrini as well as of one another. Through the celebration of the Mass, we were commissioned, sent on our way to more orientation time on Staten Island with the Good Shepherd Volunteers....we barely fit in the car!

From Milwaukee to the City of Sisterly Love

When I left Milwaukee on August 12th, I was a little uncertain of what was ahead. With the date rapidly approaching I was finding myself mentally prepared to begin the journey, but were my bags packed? Of course not! Party plans, last minute luncheons, trips to the store, and 3 salsa nights later, I was in a panic. Days to go, room a mess…this is not unusual, is it?

The point was supposed to be that before I left, I was going to ‘move out.’ I wanted to all that I brought a long to be all that I had…that was not the case. At least not this time around. I just ran out of time! Complications with computers, sad last minute chats with the fam, getting rid of belongings, finding the last words, leaving notes of things to be finished. I had a party to say my last good-byes. I felt like I was dying! (Mk 8:34-35).

Tired and out of energy, I did, what has become too customary, I left my family. I left my dad, my mom, Steve, Sarah, and Becky (dear, you're last because you are the youngest, not the least important). I left a faith community of people, who for the last 23 years of my life have been a part of my family (Mt 19:29). I was ready, but it was hard to convince myself at that moment that I truly was.

After my last Philly experience, I learned that a direct flight was the best way to get to Philly on time…but that also meant that I was going directly from my family to something I felt for months was what God was asking for...asking me to be a part of.

As I sat on the plane, I was reading about Mother Cabrini, a woman on a mission. She didn’t stop at anything. The world to her was so small. Her faith in God is overwhelming, and so comforting. She was guided by the Spirit from Italy “not to the East (China), but to the West (NY).” So, too, God was calling me, not to the South (anywhere that speaks Spanish), but to the East (NY). Okay, I guess. If she did it, I can too! Right?

Hours later, my roller coaster of stressed, not stressed, stressed, not stressed, ended. I landed in Philly and called for my ride. Gina had told me that Sr. Grace, Michelle, and Crystal were to form my welcome committee. This was great, right? My only apprehension was that Crystal and Michelle had been in Philly for two and a half weeks already. Would I assume my position as the third wheel? Receiving texts from two unknown numbers, I was informed that the brigade was on their way. I sat awaiting technology to tell me that they had pulled up. I was in the middle of sending a message to let the girls know what I was wearing. Before I could send it, two Asian girls attacked me. That’s a little strong. I was embraced by two Asian girls, more familiarly known as Crystal and Michelle.

My fellow missioners embraced me. I took a deep breath. “This is going to be alright.” Sr. Grace Waters, the driver! I hadn’t seen Grace since I went to visit her in Chicago after my interview in Philly. It was so wonderful to see her again! The welcome was dually a comfort and a blessing.

We arrived at the Senior Residence, the site for our few days of Cabrini time. I had spent only a couple days there when I came for my interview, and I could not wait to be reunited with the sisters again! Everyone helped me bring in my bags, and I settled into the residence once again.