"Open up your pretty brown eyes and look the hell around"...

Well, as you may have noted, my blog entries have become less and less, which means that the busyness here has become more and more! Things have been crazy at work with the holidays, Thanksgiving distribution, retreats, workshops, clients, patient visits, time with the sisters, and time with the girls. The good news is that little by little, all of it is helping to bring me to a greater understanding of what I am here for. To learn and grow in God...working on it!!



Coming home from Thanksgiving time in Philly and the gratitude for a prayerful and intimate celebration, we have been thrown back into reality! Life should be a prayerful and intimate celebration, but it is not easy amidst the happenings of everyday life...or is it?

I have been, as part of the 19th Annotation (Ignation Sprituality in Everyday Life), in the first part of the retreat that lasts 4 weeks (in the 9-month plan). It has been eye-opening to try to learn about and grow about in areas that need the most work, especially ones were Jesus is like "Hey Mare, I know you haven't realized this yet, but you should think about why you do this __________ " Ok, thanks, ....working on it! When I'm not in 'prayer' (like chapel), I've been in prayer (out and about), discerning more about community (large and small-just missioners) as well as my own ministry and possiblities for next year. It's almost scary the way that things just come about. My gut reaction is "No..." and that lasts about 1 min. before it's added to the mix of discernment and true way of living to see where I am following Him to next!



Oh, yeah, excuse the language in the post title, but today at work, I was reminded of that quote from Save the Last Dance....I know, I know, bare with me! We were talking about the line of people that come for Thanksgiving and the need for police presence for things that we really just cannot control in such times of great need. Comments had included things like, "We don't want to ...but we almost have to," "It's just hard, you don't want people to feel like they are being watched," etc. I chimed in after observing (a true 5 personality!), "Well, maybe having the police presence will help with a feeling of security, you know, knowing that people will be less likely to get violent if there is that authority presence." ...DENIED...."Well you also have to consider what people's perception of cops is. If you're from the suburbs, it's different than if you live on the Lower East Side....

So, ...she was right! In my mind I was like "You don't know I'm from the suburbs!" But then I realized...my comment was pretty subruban because that's how I view "police presence" I was informed that other people don't necessarily even trust police....among other things that I was not aware of in my own naivity! Great! That stinks that I don't know who I'm dealing with!

BUT that little conversation left me with a true desire to learn more about what it really means to not be living in Gramercy Park... What it means to have and increased police presence in my neighborhood because of an increase in drug dealing... What it means to not trust authority because of my experience (perhaps leading me not to trust)...What it truly means to be in another person's shoes. I've spent my ministry living in 'solidarity' with the people I'm serving, but the truth is, at least for now, that I really can't ever completely understand what other people's perspectives are. BUT that doesn't mean that I don't have the responsibility to learn and be as aware as I possibly can! Add this to the list :)

I was very thankful this evening after some time with Sr. Dianne and the girls to iron out a little bit of the not so goods from community retreat last weekend, and I am glad to have Gina coming next week to have a night together to touch on the logistics of what it means to be three 23-24 year-old girls on mission living with six (soon to be four) vowed religious. I couldn't have chosen a greater group to share and grow with this year, but there is an evident need to encourage and facilitate open communication that bridges the gap (no matter the size) between the two.

Thanks for listening/reading...I am going down to the chapel. Peace for now, and I hope to get more than 3 posts done in December! :)

Thanksgiving...no room for interpretation!

In these last few days, I have been filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for where I am at this point in my life.

On Sunday we returned from retreat with GSVs. Crystal and Michelle and I spent a good chunk of time reflecting on our community. We talked about what was good, what was not so good, and goals that we could set to make the rest of this year even better! As it turns, out, the experience was, admittedly, much more emotional than I had anticipated. In the end, again that sense of gratitude was incredibly pronounced. God truly is here, present in our joys, in our struggles, and especially in the challenge to grow stronger (in relationship with Him and with one another). Michelle pointed out that there is a difference between needing to be together and desiring to be together. That is so true of us (as I rarely go through a work day without being excited to later see them!) and my relationship with God.

In the last few weeks, amidst the journey of beginning Ignatian Spirituality, I have felt first hand, both the desire to be in relationship with God, but the immense challenge that comes with it! It's always sounds easier not to pray. At times I'm so tired, and all I want to do is crawl into a ball on my bed! BUT there is that need and desire to grow with Him. I have experienced already in my prayer, periods of not wanting to take the time. But every time that I do, I am reminded of the grace and beauty that comes from taking time to be in relationship with the one Who created me! :)

Sadiq, a man who works at CCNR with me said that he liked Thanksgiving because it was the only genuine holiday. As a Christian, my immediate response was, "What about Christmas, what about Easter?" But his response was that for other holidays, it is too easy to be commercial. Thanksgiving truly is the only holiday where Christians and non-Christians have no choice but to celebrate in light of the same thing - giving thanks. It is not about gifts...well it is not about presents. It is about the celebration of being together with people that we love and care about, being mindful of and grateful for the gifts that we have received in our lives.



On Wednesday, Michelle, Crys and I took a bus down from NY to Philly. The process was intense and incredibly chaotic. Everyone had somewhere to be, see photo. The buses were delayed, overbooked, and people were hours behind schedule. After not being in the group of people to fit on our 5:40 bus, we were finally allowed onto a bus that pulled away at 7pm. I was thankful just to be on my way! In the line, we were in solidarity with many people that were just waiting to get going. Ahead of us, was a girl that looked like Lizbeth, my favorite girl from the DR. I was reminded of the blessing of experience that my life has been. Crystal was engaged in convo with a guy from Philly. I was thankful to see her shine in the way that she interacts with complete strangers. Michelle, God bless her, I was glad that she didn't get swept away by the masses! At one point we almost lost her!

Arriving in Philly, we were greeted by Sr. Grace and Sr. Mary Lou. How wonderful! :) We went home, picking up McDonald's on the way. We ate McNuggets and Oreos with the sisters. Would you have pegged sisters for this kind of a nighttime snack? They retired, and we just hung out for a while. Our dear Michelle got tired, and Crys and I were left to talk. Without fail, the don't-even-think-about-it topic came up. What are we doing next year? That's a good question, isn't it. None of us are sure of the answer, and whenever, it comes up, one person is curious, and the other's are like, "Really, we have to talk about it now?" It was very comforting to me to talk about the fortune that this year has brought so far. Going back to when we all came to Cabrini, it IS divine providence that has brought us all together. The weekend that I came home from my interview in Philly, Crys found CMC and was ready to get in touch with Gina as soon as she could!



There is something about the three of us, something that is so balanced, so complimentary, just amazing. There is something greater than this, something greater than us, and the discernment in this next year will be where to head next. This is a foundation for something to come, but we do not know what. Crys, whether she likes it or not, is already being prompted by both the Provincial and Superior General about continuing her mission in the Philippines. Mine is less defined as I do not know yet whether I will go to Argentina, Mexico, or continue in a different ministry here. Michelle is currently applying to grad school. On retreat, Gina asked Crys, if we've thought about when we seperate after this year. The beauty of this is that we do not foresee separation. Even if we go to different places, there is something so incredible about this foundation that we are working to create. It is one rooted in love, in faith, in mission, Mother Cabrini, and most importantly, the Lord!:) The Holy Spirit is definitely with us...Mother Cabrini too!! CMC! :)



We are so blessed to be a part of the Cabrinian family and charism, where we are supported both by our sisters as well as Mother Cabrini and her mission. In New York, in Philly, and beyond....we don't know what will be next, but we can be confident that with God and each other, great things are in store! :) Thanks be to God whose power working in us can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine (Eph 3:20).

We are on the bus back home, and my battery is in need of charging, so this is all for now. Thank you all for your prayers, support, and love. This week truly has been one of thanksgiving! :)

Time Flies!!

Time here is just FLYING!!! It has already been 2 weeks since my last update! Last weekend I was able to go to Wickatunk to hang out with some of the GSVers: Luke, Diana, Peter and Sarah. I just went for a night, but it was so great to get out of the city for a day...conveniently on Halloween! Gone are the days when my mother (wonderful as she is) would slave over making our costumes. They were high quality, you know, so we wore them as many years as we could ;) Clown for a few years, then a pumpkin for a few years (loved it!), then Tweety for a few years (maybe that's why my head is getting so big!)! So fun, but at the ripe age of 23, I much preffered the tranquility of being in Wickatunk, NJ, where large groups of deer will just congregate within feet of where their community resides! It was like being 'up north' in Wisconsin! ...don't laugh people do, for certain purposes travel further north than where they already live!!!

Diana and Luke picked me up from the train station and they gave me a tour of the house...they live above 4 contemplative Good Shepherd sisters...I strategically tried to help them figure out what their names were (I really only discovered one). Peter and Sarah came home from working out and we hung out for a bit. Then Luke and I went to dinner in a nearby (as nearby as it gets) town, where we satisfied my week-long craving for a Gyro!! :) We stayed there for a while enjoying good food and great conversation, 2 wonderful blessings! After that we headed back and waited for Diana, Peter and Sarah to get back. They had gone out to eat and watched the Yankees/Phillies.

On Sunday we arrived at 11:25 to what we thought was 11:15 Spanish mass, but it wasn't until 3pm, so we took advantage, thankfully ;), of what was in the town...Target, Panera, Wal-Mart (shamefully). I felt a little foolish. The city is so expensive that I had to take advantage...with the bags I came back with, you would have thought that I was the one that lived in the middle of nowhere (Godisnowhere or Godisnowhere?)! Thanks guys :) It was really great to just be there, to see their community, and to spend a little time relaxing away from the city.

The week of work was shorter, as we left Thursday night to come down to Philly for the weekend. On Friday, we Cabrini Mission Corps missioners hitched a ride from the lovely Sisters Grace and Mary Lou. We dwarves arrived at the cute Gatehouse, at the entrance of Cabrini College, where we stayed with Sr. Christine (aka Snow White).



Friday, MC and I had a wonderful bonding experience of being interviewed by the college's radio station. It was yet another opportunity for us to reprocess what it is that we are here for. SO GOOD!!! Answering questions about CMC, Mother Cabrini, our ministries, call to service, and community with the sisters. Our discernment to in fact apply and become apart of the Cabrinian family was confirmed once again! I really love these girls! It was too fun to be interviewed. I, being too easily amused, was just thrilled to put on the headphones and just hear 'radio' lol The sound is incredible! Crys and Michelle just owned it!! Crys was like a natural with the microphone, and Michelle just had a beautiful way of articulating her responses so thoughtfully. I was scared of the mic and like hyperventilating!!! haha By the end, I was more comfortable, and it was really amazing to be gifted in sharing that experience!

We spent a few hours on campus at an info table for the Mission Corps. Only one seemed really interested....I guess Mother C is already working on her! It was good to spend time on campus and we were able to go to the concluding parts of the workshop on campus for students in the area discerning post-graduate service. We shared our discernment stories....again :) lol and were present for the prayer as well. Present at this workshop, were all of the other programs that I had considered last year. I think in meeting these wonderful people, I was confirmed, once again in my answer to the Cabrini charism!! LOVE HER!!! :)

We came back to the cottage with our directress, Gina, to have conversation with her and Sr. Christine. The girls and I went to bed on the earlier side. For breakfast, Michelled whipped up some amazing omlettes!! I needed to be up because...SARAH came Sat. morning!!! Gina took me in the AM to pick her up which was...a process. They dropped the girl off at this departure terminal that was super tiny, and she had no clue where she was...luckily our fearful directress knew where she was, so she ran to find her while I sat in the car...good sis, huh?? It was SO GREAT to see Sarah. Girl looks like a whole different person!!



Gina dropped us off in central city Philly, where we walked around, looked at the Liberty bell and other fun places. We enjoyed lunch and conversation nowhere other than...Chinatown. You put to Chinese-Polish girls in central city Philly, and they eat in Chinatown...don't judge!! It was so good! :) We spent a little more time walking around the city. We went to a Christian store where I knocked over EVERYTHING I could!!!! haha Sarah just kept laughing at me :( After that we took the train back to Radnor and enjoyed dinner with the rest of the crew (G+MC).

Sunday, we had more yummy omlettes and hung out before going to the Enneagram Workshop led by Sr. Barbara Leonardo! :) SO great!!!! We all knew exactly which person we were..well, Mich was a little unsure but we worked it out, and it is so fitting that the three of us have personalities that are drawn to one another... It explains so well how we got this to-good-to-be-true trio! You have to come see this! I will explain more later, but it is so great to identify our personalities in a way that will helps us be able to better strengthen ourselves and an oh-so-wonderful community! :)

Sarah and I have a tour of the college tomorrow, meet with admissions, and then we're headed up to the city!!!

HAPPY SUNDAY!!! :)