Certain missioner characteristics were defined as we drove to Staten Island from Philly. Crystal and Gina talked the whole way, listening to music. Michelle and I engaged in a very worthwhile pastime……. Napping! It was enjoyable :) We were all startled by the sound of getting a flat….and each of us thought that the sound came from our part of the car, haha… Pulling over, and getting out to look, we realized that there wasn’t one at all, great! We finished the drive, everyone awake, listening to the GSV/CMC orientation music, highlighting such tunes as “We’re all in this Together.” How true! :)
Arriving at Mount Manresa, another characteristic of some of our members, myself included, was revealed. We were late. Every GSV volunteer present, Cabrini had to make an entrance….of course! We got our rooms and went to meet all the GSVers. Enroute, I met Amy! So great! :) Continued by so many more! That night at dinner, we met Peter and Luke…both members of the “Tunk” community in Wickatunk, NJ. The rest of the volunteers, accept for the 4 wonderful girls in LA, will also be in the NYC this year! It was so great to collaborate with them! Dinner was great, and we did some meet-and-greet activities that closed with prayer, a reflection involving everyone sharing one word that described our heart: open, excited, awakened,…
I went to my room, which conveniently located on a corner, had two windows. Key for ventilation, these windows in conjunction with my fan made the room….bearable. Having two beds, I readily invited Crystal to my room. She so graciously offered, in exchange, that if she began to snore, I could go to her room….thanks lol ;) "If you're already up, why would I move." haha Michelle came to visit, and our missioner brains combined, we realized that a mattress would fit between my two beds. We’re pretty strong, of course, so we made it happen. The CMCs, more popularly known as, or we just like to refer to ourselves as, MCM resided together in Room 92. The week was off to a perfect start! Collaboration with 17 Good Shepherd Volunteers, a room for 3, great directors…wonderful!
Our retreat focused on the principle of the article from Solitude to Ministry by Henri Nowen. The idea is that rather than doing powerful ministry, sharing with our community, and then finding time for ourselves, we are instead to nurture our spirituality, then contribute to community, and go out to serve. Again, a perfect way to start out the year. Nothing could be more directly related to what this next year as a missioner should be...or needed to be, for me!
Good Shepherd focuses on 4 tenants: spirituality, community, simplicity, and justice. These in conjunction with our Cabrinian call to the charism sum up what I am doing here! As we touched on and explored these areas, I found my own understanding to become much clearer. Part of the understanding was inspired by our Cabrini Time in Philly, but the collaboration solidified it.
Spirituality
For me, my spiritual need was to understand that I am Beloved by God. I came to the realization that my whole life, God has been calling me to be in relationship with Him, but I was too caught up in trying to do the right thing or be the right person, thinking that in the end, I would figure it all out! Ha! What?! Over the summer He got me with Prov. 3:5-8 …but of course, that wasn’t enough!
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, how I prayed or didn’t pray. God loves me! Don't get worried...and you too :) Any way that I try to be pleasing to Him is pleasing by nature of effort. That’s great! I don’t hold God up…so He’s not relying on me to get it right. He holds me up. All I can do is offer Him the praise and thanksgiving He deserves and talk with him about what is going on in my life (He has to love that!! hehe). Also crucial, is the call to explore and become more familiar with His Word. I cannot speak a language that I do not study! WONDERFUL!!...that is just spirituality!
Simplicity
We reflected on this as a community: Michelle, Sr. Dianne, Crystal, and myself. Crystal broke it down. You just have to “be who you are.” In the large group, Luke quoted that we need to “Aspire not to have more, but to be more." And Priscilla shared that we cannot judge one another's simplicity because we are all on different levels. I saw it as a de-cluttering. The need to eliminate all that gets between myself and God…ALL the EXTRA! It just clouds everything when you’re trying to get a clearer picture. I got to thinking that my physical state of being cluttered was nothing more than the embodiment of my lack of simplicity….great! :( The good news is that I realized that …the bad news: I need to work on it!
Justice
Wouldn’t you like to know what all 17 of us had to say about this?! Sorry, I cannot remember them all! :( To me it is all of our God given rights being satisfied. This includes humans, animals, all of creation. Michelle quoted (forgetting the name), “Equality is not equal treatment.” This is so true! Everyone’s needs are different! Greater need requires a greater response. Crystal brought up someone needing glasses as an example. If one kid gets glasses to improve their vision, does that mean glasses for all? Even those that don’t need them? Hmmmm Think about that!
Also, Sr. Judy! Oh, so great! She said that it is being in ‘right relationship.’ I could spend my whole life in desire of this beautiful concept….and then, we’ll see it in eternity! But for now, let’s live to see that nobody has what another person needs. That doesn’t necessarily imply that everyone needs to give, give, give…but for now, unless everyone has, I think it does! That includes me. Nobody can be off the hook with the ‘right relationship’ theory, or it will not work!
Community
Funny that before I got to Manhattan I kept stressing a quote from Nowen’s article. “Community is where the person you least like to live with lives. For somebody else, you might be that person.” HELLO! In every community, you need to be accepting of two things: 1) Community will almost inevitably involve a ‘challenge’…only one if you’re lucky! 2) You need to be vulnerable to the idea that for somebody else, you may be the challenge of community!....That’s humbling! This is something that I need to be mindful of ALWAYS!
Charism –
During our time at Manresa, we had a chance to appreciate what our call to the charism and Mother Cabrini’s story has meant to us. After learning about St. Mary Euphrasia, the foundress of the Sisters of the Good Shepherd, someone had to teach about the life of Mother C, right? Well, upon the unfortunate illness of our dear Sr. Grace who was to give this account, we (MCM) had the opportunity to do it. Michelle, Crystal and I each were able to share with a group of GSVers our account of Mother Cabrini’s life, vocation and ministry. My only hope is that my account portrayed as much her passion, faith, and love for the Sacred Heart of Jesus’ as that of Michelle and Crystal.
In the beginning, I was nervous, but as I continued to talk about Frances Xavier Cabrini, I realized that I knew her better than I thought. Thanks to the application process itself, Gina, Sr. Grace, the sisters, Mary Lou (teaching us about her life) and Nancy (helping us to understand the Stella Maris Province), we had come to know and understand Mother C well. The more we learn about her, the more what we are doing here makes sense! Her faith and dedication to the will of the Lord….WOW! It was so great to express that with other people.
"I can almost see it…"
The week came together very well. The speakers that we had, ranging from the different ministries provided by our orders, to panels, to the drum circle with Jesse, helped to tie together all of the concepts that we focused on throughout the week. But an account of Manresa would not and could not be complete without the finale. This was the culmination of it all. Believe it or not…and my tendency would also be towards not, our three-person suite was not only the CMC center for rest and relaxation, it was also a practice stage for what would be a talent show presentation, “Open to Interpretation.” Yes, I, Mary Meleski, as a member of community, participated in the end-of-the-week talent show performing an interpretive dance to “The Climb,” by Miley Cyrus. That's right, The Climb. And yes, Miley Cyrus. This is truth. There is video footage! I really love these girls…can you tell?!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Wait, how did I get here? The Charism + Disponibilitá
I still remember the very first time that I talked to our director, Gina. It was an afternoon the very first week of January.
A week prior, I was sitting in Qdoba, a place that I never eat, because it had wireless. I was comparing my search of 09 to my search of 08. Both times I looked at the CNVS website to look at potential programs. I was curious if any of the programs I had found last year did NOT come up this year. The only one was Cabrini Mission Corps. Good Shepherd, JVC among others were also marked, but Cabrini was the only difference. Curious, I was led to the site of the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart, and immediately I was drawn in. Drawn to Mother Cabrini’s story, to her ministry, to the charism. Excited, I quickly filled out the preliminary application online. Figuring (or hoping) that I would soon contact the other programs, I went home.
Before I reached out to any one else, Gina called me. This was not, yet, the January afternoon! She left me a voicemail telling me who she was and that she wanted to talk to me. Crap! I hadn’t even begun looking at anyone else yet! “I’ll look around before I call her back.” The next week, Jules was in town, and we were at lunch when I received yet another call from the lovely CMC director. “Hi Mary, this is Gina trying to get a hold of you again. Just wanted to…” Crap! I still didn’t look into the other programs more. I went home and told Julie I was sorry, but I really needed to call Gina back. Even though I had not contacted anyone else yet, I could not put off returning the call...this was that January afternoon.
An hour later, I ran up to talk to Julie. So great!!! A program that would send me to a Spanish-speaking country, that is focused on spirituality, and relies on mutual discernment! No way!! She told me to look more into Mother C and the Missionary Sisters and to get back to her.
So began the application process. There is nothing simple about that word, process. Curious and very interested, I began to apply. Scared from GSV app (props to those who filled that one out ;), and only really feeling called to Cabrini I started what turned out to be a long and much needed reflection on my own life. Through that application, all that became clearer was that there was yet a LOT of work on my life to be done! Filling the pages with honesty and who I am, I finished… months later. Embarrassed that it had taken so long, I finally sent in an application that I was, in a way, proud of. “This is me,” or at least who I was so far. And I sent it off to be joined with my long-waiting references.
Gina talked to Pietrina (the MSC Provincial), which, after appreciating the rhyme, I learned would become the essence of “disponibilitá.” Gina e-mailed me with interesting news. “Peitrina is willing to send you abroad, but she would like you to do some domestic service first.” No prob. A few months is awesome, I can do it at the end of the summer, let’s get it going! Gina talked to Peitrina again. “She is asking that you do 10 mos. I know that you really want to go abroad, and I would be more than happy to forward your information to another program.” What?!?! Another program?! What if I don’t want another one?
I called Gina and surprised both her, as well as myself, with the news that I would be happy to spend 10 mos. of domestic service wherever needed. This was my first acceptance of that beautiful word, DISPONIBILITÁ. Do not forget it. It will not go away, haha.
Going to Philadelphia for my interview was one of the most confirming experiences of my life. I was on fire….with the Holy Spirit! Gina even asked me to go to the city, and I was so pumped. I came home to share with everyone that, after a year of working on my loans, my life had a new direction...or I was continuing to go in the direction that I thought I was supposed to :)
It was only, in attempt, thwarted by the request that I apply to teach my dream job at Holy Family School teaching K-8 Spanish. I applied for that job, but after sending in my license and resume, I struggled to do the cover letter. That is when you get the chance to sell yourself on the job. I could convince them that I would be a good teacher, but I couldn’t convince myself that teaching in Green Bay, living alone was what I wanted or needed, even if I LOVED those kids. I especially couldn’t convince myself that it was what God wanted or needed. Would I be good at the job? Probs…but that’s not what it’s about. It’s about making decisions that are life-giving for myself and for others.
Talking to Gina during the process she said two things that made up my mind in favor of Cabrini. She told me that it wouldn’t hurt to go through the interview process. Upon that suggestion, I found myself trying to convince her that it wasn’t a good idea. Obviously that was the answer - shouldn’t do it. And then the only thing that she said to me in favor of Cabrini was, “There are really great girls that you’d be in community with.” My long time apprehension and skepticism of yet another community were diminished when she said that. And look at the two captivating, faithful, mature and FUN ladies that I have been missioned with!
Looking back, it seems so obvious that this is where I would end up. I guess that’s how God is :) Here I am in the city living life on the polar opposite side of where I thought I would be this year! :) Disponibilitá…
A week prior, I was sitting in Qdoba, a place that I never eat, because it had wireless. I was comparing my search of 09 to my search of 08. Both times I looked at the CNVS website to look at potential programs. I was curious if any of the programs I had found last year did NOT come up this year. The only one was Cabrini Mission Corps. Good Shepherd, JVC among others were also marked, but Cabrini was the only difference. Curious, I was led to the site of the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart, and immediately I was drawn in. Drawn to Mother Cabrini’s story, to her ministry, to the charism. Excited, I quickly filled out the preliminary application online. Figuring (or hoping) that I would soon contact the other programs, I went home.
Before I reached out to any one else, Gina called me. This was not, yet, the January afternoon! She left me a voicemail telling me who she was and that she wanted to talk to me. Crap! I hadn’t even begun looking at anyone else yet! “I’ll look around before I call her back.” The next week, Jules was in town, and we were at lunch when I received yet another call from the lovely CMC director. “Hi Mary, this is Gina trying to get a hold of you again. Just wanted to…” Crap! I still didn’t look into the other programs more. I went home and told Julie I was sorry, but I really needed to call Gina back. Even though I had not contacted anyone else yet, I could not put off returning the call...this was that January afternoon.
An hour later, I ran up to talk to Julie. So great!!! A program that would send me to a Spanish-speaking country, that is focused on spirituality, and relies on mutual discernment! No way!! She told me to look more into Mother C and the Missionary Sisters and to get back to her.
So began the application process. There is nothing simple about that word, process. Curious and very interested, I began to apply. Scared from GSV app (props to those who filled that one out ;), and only really feeling called to Cabrini I started what turned out to be a long and much needed reflection on my own life. Through that application, all that became clearer was that there was yet a LOT of work on my life to be done! Filling the pages with honesty and who I am, I finished… months later. Embarrassed that it had taken so long, I finally sent in an application that I was, in a way, proud of. “This is me,” or at least who I was so far. And I sent it off to be joined with my long-waiting references.
Gina talked to Pietrina (the MSC Provincial), which, after appreciating the rhyme, I learned would become the essence of “disponibilitá.” Gina e-mailed me with interesting news. “Peitrina is willing to send you abroad, but she would like you to do some domestic service first.” No prob. A few months is awesome, I can do it at the end of the summer, let’s get it going! Gina talked to Peitrina again. “She is asking that you do 10 mos. I know that you really want to go abroad, and I would be more than happy to forward your information to another program.” What?!?! Another program?! What if I don’t want another one?
I called Gina and surprised both her, as well as myself, with the news that I would be happy to spend 10 mos. of domestic service wherever needed. This was my first acceptance of that beautiful word, DISPONIBILITÁ. Do not forget it. It will not go away, haha.
Going to Philadelphia for my interview was one of the most confirming experiences of my life. I was on fire….with the Holy Spirit! Gina even asked me to go to the city, and I was so pumped. I came home to share with everyone that, after a year of working on my loans, my life had a new direction...or I was continuing to go in the direction that I thought I was supposed to :)
It was only, in attempt, thwarted by the request that I apply to teach my dream job at Holy Family School teaching K-8 Spanish. I applied for that job, but after sending in my license and resume, I struggled to do the cover letter. That is when you get the chance to sell yourself on the job. I could convince them that I would be a good teacher, but I couldn’t convince myself that teaching in Green Bay, living alone was what I wanted or needed, even if I LOVED those kids. I especially couldn’t convince myself that it was what God wanted or needed. Would I be good at the job? Probs…but that’s not what it’s about. It’s about making decisions that are life-giving for myself and for others.
Talking to Gina during the process she said two things that made up my mind in favor of Cabrini. She told me that it wouldn’t hurt to go through the interview process. Upon that suggestion, I found myself trying to convince her that it wasn’t a good idea. Obviously that was the answer - shouldn’t do it. And then the only thing that she said to me in favor of Cabrini was, “There are really great girls that you’d be in community with.” My long time apprehension and skepticism of yet another community were diminished when she said that. And look at the two captivating, faithful, mature and FUN ladies that I have been missioned with!
Looking back, it seems so obvious that this is where I would end up. I guess that’s how God is :) Here I am in the city living life on the polar opposite side of where I thought I would be this year! :) Disponibilitá…
Cabrini Time!
We spent that Wed. I arrived through our commissioning mass on Saturday morning in Philadelphia. The time there was revelatory in two ways. In my own effort to express who I am with the other women who would be in my community, I found myself coming to understand many of the ways that God has been working on my heart throughout my life. I think that my faith carried me a lot of the way, but the connection to God and understanding of the heart was missing. I truly believe that it was only in the months before I came to Philly that God was beginning to reveal Himself to me.
I learned that even as I was doing my Cabrini Mission Corps application, that I was struggling because I was still searching for some of the answers. Thankfully, “God is always on time.” My application came together just in time, that I might have the chance to be united in community with Crystal and Michelle, living in community with Sr. Dianne and the other sisters.
I also saw how incredibly lovely Crystal and Michelle are. Two incredible women of the Lord! Too great! During our time in Philly, we had a chance to pray over our journey to Cabrini. After doing so, we took turns explaining how our life led us to choose Cabrini Mission Corps. As I listened to Michelle, shared my own story, and listened to Crystal tell hers, I felt waves of grace and peace come over our experience. To see our similarities and our differences, our strengths and struggles, it became evident that this experience is one that God wants us to have and, more importantly, to share with one another.
Mother Cabrini’s disponibilitá, or openness to the Spirit is alive today in our modern ‘flexibilitá.’ We have all come together guided down paths that could have only been divinely inspired. These paths were not easy. They involved hardship and loss. Fortunately they also involved joy, peace, and understanding. No matter the journey, our paths have met, and we are commissioned to spend this year united in being bearers of the love of Christ in the world. We are confident in doing so because through Him, we can do all things (Phil 4:13-Mother Cabrini's fave).
We spent a lot of time together in prayer, socializing, eating, laughing, singing (Mary Fest, ask for more details!), and reflecting.
Our time together in Philadelphia was very life-giving. Through prayer we began our spiritual community. Through learning we developed an understanding of the life and mission of Frances Xavier Cabrini as well as of one another. Through the celebration of the Mass, we were commissioned, sent on our way to more orientation time on Staten Island with the Good Shepherd Volunteers....we barely fit in the car!
I learned that even as I was doing my Cabrini Mission Corps application, that I was struggling because I was still searching for some of the answers. Thankfully, “God is always on time.” My application came together just in time, that I might have the chance to be united in community with Crystal and Michelle, living in community with Sr. Dianne and the other sisters.
I also saw how incredibly lovely Crystal and Michelle are. Two incredible women of the Lord! Too great! During our time in Philly, we had a chance to pray over our journey to Cabrini. After doing so, we took turns explaining how our life led us to choose Cabrini Mission Corps. As I listened to Michelle, shared my own story, and listened to Crystal tell hers, I felt waves of grace and peace come over our experience. To see our similarities and our differences, our strengths and struggles, it became evident that this experience is one that God wants us to have and, more importantly, to share with one another.
Mother Cabrini’s disponibilitá, or openness to the Spirit is alive today in our modern ‘flexibilitá.’ We have all come together guided down paths that could have only been divinely inspired. These paths were not easy. They involved hardship and loss. Fortunately they also involved joy, peace, and understanding. No matter the journey, our paths have met, and we are commissioned to spend this year united in being bearers of the love of Christ in the world. We are confident in doing so because through Him, we can do all things (Phil 4:13-Mother Cabrini's fave).
We spent a lot of time together in prayer, socializing, eating, laughing, singing (Mary Fest, ask for more details!), and reflecting.
Our time together in Philadelphia was very life-giving. Through prayer we began our spiritual community. Through learning we developed an understanding of the life and mission of Frances Xavier Cabrini as well as of one another. Through the celebration of the Mass, we were commissioned, sent on our way to more orientation time on Staten Island with the Good Shepherd Volunteers....we barely fit in the car!
From Milwaukee to the City of Sisterly Love
When I left Milwaukee on August 12th, I was a little uncertain of what was ahead. With the date rapidly approaching I was finding myself mentally prepared to begin the journey, but were my bags packed? Of course not! Party plans, last minute luncheons, trips to the store, and 3 salsa nights later, I was in a panic. Days to go, room a mess…this is not unusual, is it?
The point was supposed to be that before I left, I was going to ‘move out.’ I wanted to all that I brought a long to be all that I had…that was not the case. At least not this time around. I just ran out of time! Complications with computers, sad last minute chats with the fam, getting rid of belongings, finding the last words, leaving notes of things to be finished. I had a party to say my last good-byes. I felt like I was dying! (Mk 8:34-35).
Tired and out of energy, I did, what has become too customary, I left my family. I left my dad, my mom, Steve, Sarah, and Becky (dear, you're last because you are the youngest, not the least important). I left a faith community of people, who for the last 23 years of my life have been a part of my family (Mt 19:29). I was ready, but it was hard to convince myself at that moment that I truly was.
After my last Philly experience, I learned that a direct flight was the best way to get to Philly on time…but that also meant that I was going directly from my family to something I felt for months was what God was asking for...asking me to be a part of.
As I sat on the plane, I was reading about Mother Cabrini, a woman on a mission. She didn’t stop at anything. The world to her was so small. Her faith in God is overwhelming, and so comforting. She was guided by the Spirit from Italy “not to the East (China), but to the West (NY).” So, too, God was calling me, not to the South (anywhere that speaks Spanish), but to the East (NY). Okay, I guess. If she did it, I can too! Right?
Hours later, my roller coaster of stressed, not stressed, stressed, not stressed, ended. I landed in Philly and called for my ride. Gina had told me that Sr. Grace, Michelle, and Crystal were to form my welcome committee. This was great, right? My only apprehension was that Crystal and Michelle had been in Philly for two and a half weeks already. Would I assume my position as the third wheel? Receiving texts from two unknown numbers, I was informed that the brigade was on their way. I sat awaiting technology to tell me that they had pulled up. I was in the middle of sending a message to let the girls know what I was wearing. Before I could send it, two Asian girls attacked me. That’s a little strong. I was embraced by two Asian girls, more familiarly known as Crystal and Michelle.
My fellow missioners embraced me. I took a deep breath. “This is going to be alright.” Sr. Grace Waters, the driver! I hadn’t seen Grace since I went to visit her in Chicago after my interview in Philly. It was so wonderful to see her again! The welcome was dually a comfort and a blessing.
We arrived at the Senior Residence, the site for our few days of Cabrini time. I had spent only a couple days there when I came for my interview, and I could not wait to be reunited with the sisters again! Everyone helped me bring in my bags, and I settled into the residence once again.
The point was supposed to be that before I left, I was going to ‘move out.’ I wanted to all that I brought a long to be all that I had…that was not the case. At least not this time around. I just ran out of time! Complications with computers, sad last minute chats with the fam, getting rid of belongings, finding the last words, leaving notes of things to be finished. I had a party to say my last good-byes. I felt like I was dying! (Mk 8:34-35).
Tired and out of energy, I did, what has become too customary, I left my family. I left my dad, my mom, Steve, Sarah, and Becky (dear, you're last because you are the youngest, not the least important). I left a faith community of people, who for the last 23 years of my life have been a part of my family (Mt 19:29). I was ready, but it was hard to convince myself at that moment that I truly was.
After my last Philly experience, I learned that a direct flight was the best way to get to Philly on time…but that also meant that I was going directly from my family to something I felt for months was what God was asking for...asking me to be a part of.
As I sat on the plane, I was reading about Mother Cabrini, a woman on a mission. She didn’t stop at anything. The world to her was so small. Her faith in God is overwhelming, and so comforting. She was guided by the Spirit from Italy “not to the East (China), but to the West (NY).” So, too, God was calling me, not to the South (anywhere that speaks Spanish), but to the East (NY). Okay, I guess. If she did it, I can too! Right?
Hours later, my roller coaster of stressed, not stressed, stressed, not stressed, ended. I landed in Philly and called for my ride. Gina had told me that Sr. Grace, Michelle, and Crystal were to form my welcome committee. This was great, right? My only apprehension was that Crystal and Michelle had been in Philly for two and a half weeks already. Would I assume my position as the third wheel? Receiving texts from two unknown numbers, I was informed that the brigade was on their way. I sat awaiting technology to tell me that they had pulled up. I was in the middle of sending a message to let the girls know what I was wearing. Before I could send it, two Asian girls attacked me. That’s a little strong. I was embraced by two Asian girls, more familiarly known as Crystal and Michelle.
My fellow missioners embraced me. I took a deep breath. “This is going to be alright.” Sr. Grace Waters, the driver! I hadn’t seen Grace since I went to visit her in Chicago after my interview in Philly. It was so wonderful to see her again! The welcome was dually a comfort and a blessing.
We arrived at the Senior Residence, the site for our few days of Cabrini time. I had spent only a couple days there when I came for my interview, and I could not wait to be reunited with the sisters again! Everyone helped me bring in my bags, and I settled into the residence once again.
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