I still remember the very first time that I talked to our director, Gina. It was an afternoon the very first week of January.
A week prior, I was sitting in Qdoba, a place that I never eat, because it had wireless. I was comparing my search of 09 to my search of 08. Both times I looked at the CNVS website to look at potential programs. I was curious if any of the programs I had found last year did NOT come up this year. The only one was Cabrini Mission Corps. Good Shepherd, JVC among others were also marked, but Cabrini was the only difference. Curious, I was led to the site of the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart, and immediately I was drawn in. Drawn to Mother Cabrini’s story, to her ministry, to the charism. Excited, I quickly filled out the preliminary application online. Figuring (or hoping) that I would soon contact the other programs, I went home.
Before I reached out to any one else, Gina called me. This was not, yet, the January afternoon! She left me a voicemail telling me who she was and that she wanted to talk to me. Crap! I hadn’t even begun looking at anyone else yet! “I’ll look around before I call her back.” The next week, Jules was in town, and we were at lunch when I received yet another call from the lovely CMC director. “Hi Mary, this is Gina trying to get a hold of you again. Just wanted to…” Crap! I still didn’t look into the other programs more. I went home and told Julie I was sorry, but I really needed to call Gina back. Even though I had not contacted anyone else yet, I could not put off returning the call...this was that January afternoon.
An hour later, I ran up to talk to Julie. So great!!! A program that would send me to a Spanish-speaking country, that is focused on spirituality, and relies on mutual discernment! No way!! She told me to look more into Mother C and the Missionary Sisters and to get back to her.
So began the application process. There is nothing simple about that word, process. Curious and very interested, I began to apply. Scared from GSV app (props to those who filled that one out ;), and only really feeling called to Cabrini I started what turned out to be a long and much needed reflection on my own life. Through that application, all that became clearer was that there was yet a LOT of work on my life to be done! Filling the pages with honesty and who I am, I finished… months later. Embarrassed that it had taken so long, I finally sent in an application that I was, in a way, proud of. “This is me,” or at least who I was so far. And I sent it off to be joined with my long-waiting references.
Gina talked to Pietrina (the MSC Provincial), which, after appreciating the rhyme, I learned would become the essence of “disponibilitá.” Gina e-mailed me with interesting news. “Peitrina is willing to send you abroad, but she would like you to do some domestic service first.” No prob. A few months is awesome, I can do it at the end of the summer, let’s get it going! Gina talked to Peitrina again. “She is asking that you do 10 mos. I know that you really want to go abroad, and I would be more than happy to forward your information to another program.” What?!?! Another program?! What if I don’t want another one?
I called Gina and surprised both her, as well as myself, with the news that I would be happy to spend 10 mos. of domestic service wherever needed. This was my first acceptance of that beautiful word, DISPONIBILITÁ. Do not forget it. It will not go away, haha.
Going to Philadelphia for my interview was one of the most confirming experiences of my life. I was on fire….with the Holy Spirit! Gina even asked me to go to the city, and I was so pumped. I came home to share with everyone that, after a year of working on my loans, my life had a new direction...or I was continuing to go in the direction that I thought I was supposed to :)
It was only, in attempt, thwarted by the request that I apply to teach my dream job at Holy Family School teaching K-8 Spanish. I applied for that job, but after sending in my license and resume, I struggled to do the cover letter. That is when you get the chance to sell yourself on the job. I could convince them that I would be a good teacher, but I couldn’t convince myself that teaching in Green Bay, living alone was what I wanted or needed, even if I LOVED those kids. I especially couldn’t convince myself that it was what God wanted or needed. Would I be good at the job? Probs…but that’s not what it’s about. It’s about making decisions that are life-giving for myself and for others.
Talking to Gina during the process she said two things that made up my mind in favor of Cabrini. She told me that it wouldn’t hurt to go through the interview process. Upon that suggestion, I found myself trying to convince her that it wasn’t a good idea. Obviously that was the answer - shouldn’t do it. And then the only thing that she said to me in favor of Cabrini was, “There are really great girls that you’d be in community with.” My long time apprehension and skepticism of yet another community were diminished when she said that. And look at the two captivating, faithful, mature and FUN ladies that I have been missioned with!
Looking back, it seems so obvious that this is where I would end up. I guess that’s how God is :) Here I am in the city living life on the polar opposite side of where I thought I would be this year! :) Disponibilitá…
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