Ha. That's the name of a book that we have floating around, but as AMAZING as the Enneagram is, it certainly isn't easy!! In the journey of getting to know yourself, as well as appreciate others, it gives you a lot of work to do, I think!
Last year I totally consumed myself with being a 5 - the Observer. The fives are the quiet ones, avoid small-talk and dread large social functions, always thinking, always analytic, the last to contribute to a conversation, but always having a desire to contribute. 5s tend to be introverted and almost always prefer either to be alone, one on one, or in a small, intimate group. Of the Gut, Heart, and Head centers, the 5 is a 'head personality.' I would have liked to say that my personality is more 'heart,' but when I am honest with myself, I am definitely a 5.
That being said, after a year of constantly saying, "I'm a 5" or just raising my hand with five fingers, we had the Enneagram workshop as part of our community retreat. As we went through the numbers, I doubted, "Am I really a 5?" I didn't check off as much on the 5 list as I had the first time, and on the contrary, I had a lot more check marks on numbers that I didn't think I was or could EVER be...so what's the verdict?
I am a five...at my very essence. BUT I realized that I checked off more on the 8 list (where I go in my positive compulsion, when I am healthy) and less on the list of a 7 (where I move to in my negative compulsion). This is good. :) So I feel like I might be a little healthier and stronger, due mostly impart to the experience and openness of last year, as well as my incredible community/support system. Thank you :)
So why did I check off more in the other categories, too? I'd like to think that as we grow and learn...we just become a little more 'rounded.' I feel like a more 'multi-faceted' person after a year of mission. I am certainly not perfect, but I learned a lot about how God is calling me and how to reverence the way that he calls others!
Discussion with Crys
We skyped in Crystal to our CMC Community time on Saturday, and as we took time to share I learned a bit more about all of my community members. I also got feedback from the community about what I shared. And Crystal, who totally needed to mentor me into my gut side empowered me with, "Yeah, turn that 5 upside down!"
The moral of the story is that I'm trying. I'm trying to learn more about myself, and what God is calling me to. When I put those two things together, I started to ask myself, "Are you afraid?" The answer is a big fat YES! The good news is that I'm less afraid then I was before, and realizing that is the emotion that I respond to the most, I can name my fears and work to be less timid...which is funny if you look at the NO FEAR post from earlier! I'm trying...I guess that's all I can do right now - keep trying and praying for the graces that will allow me to witness to God's work among us!!
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